WANTED: Gay best friend for fun and fashion advice, ASAP.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
I love fashion. Truly. Love. But bad fashion can make me madder than almost anything else. So when I went to Etsy to look for a little black dress (LBD to those in the know), the atrocities that popped up clearly deserved their own post. I (mistakenly) thought that “How bad could black dresses be?” Sometimes, I’m a total dummy.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
I don’t know why it works, but hubba hubba! By FloAtelier
No surprises here. Your basic Etsy failure. It’s bad news for my sanity that things like this are starting to seem to me like business as usual.
When putting together your (ugly) LBD ensemble, don’t forget to accessorize with droopy men’s socks. It will drive the boys wild!
And this is why you should always wear your glasses when adopting a pet. Your house cat may turn out to be a cougar.
I’m not gonna lie. As goofy as the dress is, it’s the pose that convinced me to include this one. Impressive feet!
When dressing to impress, it’s always a good idea to make your arms look as hairy as possible.
No matter how hard the designer tries, garbage bag couture just doesn’t catch on
Wowie! By xiaolizi
Now, why would you take a perfectly good dress and glue stupid shit to it? Why? Etsy. That’s why.
Look at this gorgeous… Nope. I tried, but I couldn’t keep a straight face.
I’m sure somewhere out there is someone with a slutty skater fetish.
Although I have had fun with this designer’s poses before, I have to give it to her. The dress is great!
Looks like somebody just fell off the ruffle truck.
Does anyone else feel a draft?
“Fluffy crying monster bodycon dress.” I am pretty sure those concepts cancel each other out.
M-I-C…K-E-Y… Why? Because it’s Etsy! M-O-U-S-E!!!!
I’m a sucker for a good vintage dress, and this beauty from the fifties is a doozie! By PickledVintage
Looks like someone has been rummaging around in the sewing room garbage again.
“Hot Black Mini” dress mess.
“Sex In The City Carrie Style” dress. Were we watching the same show?
I wanted to make a joke about Morticia Gomez, but I just can’t do it. This dress is just too fabulous! By AdelePierri
When rabbit youngsters misbehave, their parents tell them terrifying tales of the seller and what she does to bad little bunnies
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My OBT 
February 25, 2016 at 9:15 am
If I had to pick ONE to make a snarky comment on, I’d have to say that one would PRAY for a black rain when wearing that dress…
Of course, once the snark starts – that cat-scratch fever dress wouldn’t be so horrible without the terminal distraction of all that zombie crap 😉
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February 25, 2016 at 10:21 am
And the blood.
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February 25, 2016 at 9:49 am
The 1950s dress is superb. I don’t think it is a coincidence that it was made before Etsy existed. Also, as wretched as so many of those Frocky Horrors were, I also found myself reflecting on how crappy many of the photographs were.
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February 25, 2016 at 10:22 am
Frocky Horrors!!!! I love it!
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February 25, 2016 at 10:10 am
I saw 3 real beauties in this mix; the dress on top by Flo Ateleir, the simple but cute top and skirt by Xiaolizi ( I can picture Audrey Hepburn wearing it), and the vintage stunner by Pickled Vintage (a peplum is so very feminine). I also saw some real uglies in this bunch…I was hoping that you would entertain us with the funny and the crazy, and you never disappoint. Thanks!
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February 25, 2016 at 10:23 am
Thank you! I admit I had less time to spend with this one than usual. I was worried it wasn’t up to snuff.
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February 25, 2016 at 5:41 pm
There’s a certain Swintonesque quality to a couple of these. But only The Tilda could pull them off.
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February 25, 2016 at 6:26 pm
Oh, how I love me some Tilda!
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February 25, 2016 at 5:51 pm
Some of these dresses, I just don’t know what to say. It’s like I’m coming in on the punchline of some joke I can’t imagine the setup for. You are a brave woman to expose yourself to these things on a regular basis for our benefit.
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February 25, 2016 at 6:27 pm
It’s taking its toll. I have nearly stopped noticing bad fashion in real life, heaven help me.
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February 25, 2016 at 6:33 pm
Ah, that might be a good thing. Then I could get those boots I saw earlier today out of my head. Sometimes I think Austin is the unfortunate-fashion choice capitol of the world. Per capita I think we have more tasteless people than any place else, certainly any place that is not on the beach.
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February 25, 2016 at 8:22 pm
Baloney. You haven’t spent enough time in [LOCATION REDACTED].
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February 26, 2016 at 12:40 am
Ah Etsy. Endless fun. And horror.
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February 26, 2016 at 1:07 am
That sums it up rather elegantly!
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February 26, 2016 at 12:24 pm
The quintessential gift that just keeps giving!
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February 26, 2016 at 10:20 am
Wouldn’t it be great if we could take a tour of cities with terrible fashion taste and pick a winner
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February 26, 2016 at 10:21 am
A few contenders come to mind . . .
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