Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Like most other categories in Etsy, the activewear section is full of puzzling, confounding, bizarre items that don’t seem to have much to do with athletic activity. Mind you, I’m no expert. I’m definitely not what you’d call a gym rat.

Yes, I am an avid kayaker, weather permitting, and I walk (my commute alone comes to nearly 7,000 steps a day), and I wear yoga clothes every day (because I’m lazy and like stretchy clothes), but I spend way more time browsing Etsy’s art and antiques and edibles and other completely practical items than I do searching for workout wear. However, as with all other topics about which I write, my inexperience doesn’t stop me from having loads and loads of opinions!

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

(As goofy and hilariously uncool as it is, I’m mostly including this video because the still image cracks me up.)