What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume 83: Let’s Get Physical


Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Like most other categories in Etsy, the activewear section is full of puzzling, confounding, bizarre items that don’t seem to have much to do with athletic activity. Mind you, I’m no expert. I’m definitely not what you’d call a gym rat.

Yes, I am an avid kayaker, weather permitting, and I walk (my commute alone comes to nearly 7,000 steps a day), and I wear yoga clothes every day (because I’m lazy and like stretchy clothes), but I spend way more time browsing Etsy’s art and antiques and edibles and other completely practical items than I do searching for workout wear. However, as with all other topics about which I write, my inexperience doesn’t stop me from having loads and loads of opinions!

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

(As goofy and hilariously uncool as it is, I’m mostly including this video because the still image cracks me up.)

Activewear clearly means something else to this lady. By FreeCarryUSA (who else?)

DO NOT try to cut in front of this lady when she’s waiting for the elliptical machine. By FreeCarryUSA (who else?)

Perhaps the dopiest running skirt ever. By RunningCouture, if you can imagine

This is a running skirt, if you can imagine. There were so many hilariously non-athletic skirts in this shop, I had a really hard time choosing just one, so promise me you’ll check out RunningCouture for their other strong contenders

On your mark... Get set... Go away! By CocoBaLeggings

On your mark… Get set… Go away! This seller is really into awkwardly sheer leggings

You know how spandex shows every imperfection? Well, these lettings actually enable your cellulite to be seen from space! By WildLoveClothing

Spandex may show every imperfection, but these leggings actually ensure your cellulite can be seen from space! 

This is a sport kilt, and it's actually pretty badass! By KiltThis

This is a utility kilt, and it’s all kinds of awesome! By KiltThis

True story. By TheBasementSF

True story. By TheBasementSF

By StalkingTheWildSnark

The description says this is for when you’re “sparkling too much.” By StalkingTheWildSnark

Nevermind working out in it, I’d pull a hamstring just trying to put it on. By SlitWeave

They're called yoga boots, but they look to me like Mexican wrestler shoes. By SoulPathShoes

They’re called yoga boots, but I think they’ve missed their target audience. By SoulPathShoes

This vintage Butterick pattern is listed as "activewear." Maybe if the activity is sitting. By LehightonGold

This vintage Butterick pattern is listed as “activewear.” Are meetings now considered an activity? 

Id wear this, but only if it could say "Your text here." By shopbellawear

I’d wear this, but only if it could say “Your ad here.” 

I am really starting to think Bulgaria is someplace I need to see for myself. Bulgarian workout wear by NikkaPlace

Apparently, in Bulgaria, people work out in aviators, boots, and whatever this is. 

I wouldn’t be caught dead in these things. Rest assured that if you see flames on my leggings, it’s just that my thighs rubbed together so hard, I started a fire. Again. 

Running skirt. Guess who she's running away from? By PrettyPumpkin

Running skirt. Guess who she’s running away from? 

The clothes are pretty cute, but WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING AND WHERE IS HER PELVIC BONE? By MyMantraActiveWear

The clothes are pretty cute, but whoever put her together neglected to read the instructions first. By MyMantraActiveWear

I was skeptical when I saw this "fairy" skirt in activewear, but then I saw the maker. If anyone knows what fairies wear to work out, it's this guy. By ThoseShoes

I was skeptical when I saw this “fairy” skirt in activewear, but then I saw the maker. If anyone knows what fairies wear to work out, it’s this guy

Admit it. There is only one activity this is good for. By UnicornCrochet

Admit it. There is only one activity this is good for. 

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

13 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume 83: Let’s Get Physical

  1. Hurrah! You’ve just given me another reason to never venture near a gym. I obviously approve of the utility kilt though. Some of the moms at school pick up time wear the leggings with the slash mark gaps in them or the sheer panels. My 8 year old observed that they might as well just not wear anything at all.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “…if anyone knows what fairies wear to work out…” just KILLED me! 😀

    At least I now know where to look for replacement metal buttons for my Knitted Dove military coat. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fairywear. That’s ridiculous; fairies don’t need to work out.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Donna, you crack me up.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh dear . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Michele and I are under order from our doctor to lose 20 and 15 lbs respectively. So far we’ve purchased some great gear but now that I see this…well, some shopping is in order. 🙂 You find the best shit.

    Liked by 1 person

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