My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 99: Exotica

29 Comments

The materials listed for these shorts are leather and exotic. So there you go.

The materials listed for these shorts are leather and exotic. They forgot to mention the main material, ugly.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

“Cute? Baby ducks are cute, I HATE cute! I want to be exotic!” -Annie Savoy in Bull Durham

“Exotic” is one of those terms that pops up at the most unexpected times in random Etsy searches. When I think of exotic, I think of wood items or plants or insects or stripper wear or other crotch-related stuff. But some Etsy sellers are applying the term in surprising ways. For example, you’ll be clicking along, browsing the clothing section, when BAM! Out of nowhere up pops an Exotic Vest with Bug Design!

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

exotic 1

These are creepy/fascinating monkey face orchids. Now THIS is what I call exotic! By Exoticseedshop

There's nothing sexier than stripper clothing made in arts & crafts class!

It reminds me of the car wash, yet it does not make me feel clean.

I made one of these at the last 3 bridal showers I attended. Mine were made of toilet paper, too!

I made one of these at the last two bridal showers I attended. Mine were made of toilet paper, too!

exotic 5

We make a frozen drink in Fire Island we call the Banana Bad Idea (bananas, ice, vodka, & chocolate syrup). This is more of a bad banana idea.

Funny, that's not how I use my coasters.

Funny, that’s not how I use my coasters.

Exotic wood longboard. Gorgeous! By Croozerboards

Exotic wood longboard. Gorgeous! By
Croozerboards

There's so much fabric missing from these pants, their only purpose is to confuse you when you go to the bathroom.

There’s so much fabric missing from these pants, their only purpose is to confuse you when you go to the bathroom.

Very modest pasties with a turtleneck, for when your family comes to watch you dance.

Pasties with a turtleneck, because even strippers get cold.

Okay, just one more orchid. How nuts are these Dancing Naked Men orchids? Dudes, I can see your stamens! By FancyGarden

These are surreal Dancing Naked Men orchids. Dudes, put something on. I can see your stamens! By FancyGarden

These shredded "exotic" shorts are all the rage with the 85 and over crowd!

These shredded “exotic shorts” are all the rage with the 85 and over crowd!

I'm not sure exotic is the first word that comes to mind here.

Exotic is not the word I’d use to describe this… item.

Exotic flower girl pail, presumably for her to vomit into.

Exotic flower girl pail, presumably for her to vomit into once she sees what the Etsy-dressed bride is wearing.

If I were to attempt this, I would just look like I'd had a jewelry mishap. However, on her, it's gorgeous! By ExoticNoseChains

If I were to attempt this, I would just look like I’d had a jewelry mishap. However, on her, it’s gorgeous! By ExoticNoseChains

Every year, thousands of Muppets are killed to support the rave clothing trade. Donate today to stop these senseless murders.

Walmart must have a sale on dumbass

People of Walmart, stripper edition.

You know how in some cultures, growing your pinkie nail extra long indicates that you don't do manual labor? Well, this full hand plus ring tells the world you don't have a job at all. Or any taste or sense, either.

You know how in some cultures, growing your pinkie nail extra long indicates that you don’t do manual labor? Well, this full-hand-and-then-some ring tells the world you don’t have a job. Or taste. Or friends with taste.

This is an exotic dancer mascot costume (already WTF) but the listing is for "HEAD ONLY STD." What on earth is a head-only STD?!?

This is an exotic dancer mascot costume (already WTF). The listing is for “HEAD ONLY STD.” Is that a fancy way of saying a cold sore?

This mixed exotic wood sculpture takes my breath away! By WOODENILLUSIONS

This mixed exotic wood sculpture takes my breath away! By WOODENILLUSIONS

Less exotic than psychotic.

Who knew exotic wood bowties were a thing? I’m so excited! By CrookedBranchStudio

This felted art depicts the rare blobfish tiger, which roams the jungle, looking for disappointment. He invariably finds it.

Sloth pasties, for when you're dancing to this. By MoonwardDreams

Sloth pasties, perfect for when you’re dancing to this. By MoonwardDreams

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

29 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 99: Exotica

  1. 😂😂😂😂 Love this!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bwah ha ha ha! So much fugly in this edition. Those orchids are very cool though. The sloth pasties made me snort. My sisters love sloths and for a split second I thought it might be funny to send them one each and let them figure it out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Laura…Next Halloween, get them star pasties instead of these, one big one and a bunch of little ones. They can paint themselves blue and look like the flag of Alaska. All the nipples will be covered, and there will be extra stars, so people can guess which stars are actually covering nipples. It can be a party game. How fun.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Woman, I’m going to have to go back and take notes to be able to comment! But, as a throwaway, when you were talking about the ring and manual labor, I totally thought the punch line was going to include “hand job.” (Wish I were seeing you in Seattle!)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my word, these make my bad Ebay posts look almost normal! Hilarious!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I used to Ebay a lot more. Then it became overrun with cheap merch from China and Etsy popped up on my radar. That was that. There’s no site better for the best and worst stuff on the planet.

      Thank you for stopping by!

      Like

  6. Loving them crazy flowers and stamen jokes…loving the wooden skateboard…feeling a bit of anxiety over some of the others and for some reason, the turtle neck pastey thing is really messing with my mind! It could be so pretty if they wouldn’t have thrown the stripper factor in (just looking at the complete pieces of the outfit.). I’m not sure what to say about that “one piece string bikini”other than…oh.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Flower Power | My OBT

  8. I wish I could post photos here. I saw a parent wearing a wooden bowtie to his daughter’s prom this spring. It featured the Toronto skyline.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Heh, the pasties, the song…

    Liked by 1 person

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