Etsomnia™ 102: Deep Pockets

August 11, 2016 by Donna from MyOBT 21 Comments

$250,000. Million dollar tee. I guess it must be on clearance.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

As you know, Etsy sells all kinds of stuff, and the prices go from a few cents on up to more than a half a million dollars. Sure, some of the higher-end items are totally worth the price tag; for example, “real estates,” cars, boats, airports, and other specialty items that are difficult to purchase elsewhere. But I suspect the sellers of some of the highest-priced items are either joking, under the influence of “Lots of Wine,” profoundly delusional, confused about the exchange rate, or just really sloppy typists. If you have a few (hundred) thousands burning a hole in your pocket, Etsy will take care of that with a wide selection of political art ($250K), smells ($100K), a “beach friend” ($250K)” the mother of all engagement rings ($99,999.99), a middle school girl’s collage ($250K), all the Beanie Babies ($250K), a souvenir belt ($249K), the world’s most expensive penny ($237K), Lady Gaga’s ugliest shoes ($250K), imaginary vintage sushi ($100K), or a rap beat ($250K).

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

$21,000+. Like everything else they make, this conference table by VintageIndustrial makes me go all tingly! (Then the price makes me pass right out.) I really need to find a bucket of money.

$250,000. "Modern Polick." For that kind of money, I would at least expect the artist to be able to spell Pollock.

$250,000. “Modern Polick.” If you’re going to ask that kind of green, wouldn’t you at least try to get the name of the artist you’re knocking off (badly) spelled correctly?

$10,000. this is a jacket inspired by “The Lost Boys.” For that price, it should come with one.

$249,999. Maybe the most self-aware piece of furniture on Etsy. By BartekMetalStudios

$14,500. No, I don't need a pregnant torso hanging around my house, but isn't this stunning? By SamTheMojoMan

$14,500. No, I don’t need a pregnant torso sculpture, but isn’t this stunning? By SamTheMojoMan

$259,000+. Entitled “fantasy.” I assume that refers to the price.

$250,000. This is a moveable, convertible bar that reacts to touch. I can’t imagine who needs to spend that much on a bar, but it’s nonetheless seriously cool. If you buy it, please invite me over for a drink! By alexsandulescu21

$19,500. This is what a solid gold iPhone case looks like. Meh.

$19,500. This is what a solid gold iPhone case looks like. I expected more bling and less blah.

$248,000. My guess is that Fabergé was having an off day when he made this turkey.

$20,000. If you find yourself in need of a 22-foot-tall robot sculpture, I guess $20K isn't such an outrageous price. And it ships from Thailand for just $0.10!

$20,000. If it’s a 22-foot-tall robot sculpture you’re after, I guess $20K isn’t such an outrageous price. And it ships from Thailand for just $0.10! That’s certainly a bargain!

$261,000. Do you know what that robot doesn't have? This.

$261,000. This sculpture has something that giant robot lacks: these.

$250,000. Proof that Nicholas Cage is a vampire.

$225,000. Don’t ask me. I just don’t know.

$250,000. Fruit and veg, the love that dare not speak its name.

$150,000. If I were to spend $150K on a mermaid-related item, it would be to have a fishtail transplant and maybe some gills. Not for this sad thing.

$150,000. If I had $150K to spend on mermaid stuff, I would not waste it on this junk. Instead, it would go toward mermaid tail transplant surgery. And maybe gills.