Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

We’re spending this episode . . . in the bathroom. Unable to sleep one night, I started to hunt around Etsy for a shower curtain for our new apartment. Of course, I came across some real dooziees, which made me expand my search, and, four hours later I had a pretty weird list (and a terrible time getting up the next morning). There was the predictable Etsy drek and stuff no one needs like bar soap covers (eew) and tissue dispensers and “upcycled” junk. There was, of course, bathroom humor, but there were surprises, too, like deep truths and clever things and beautiful surprises and other magnificent finds!

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!