Me, Tarzan. You, Snooki.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
Ballroom dancing costumes are not really a category about which I would have expected to write an edition of Etsomnia™, but when I came across some of these getups AND SAW THEIR PRICES, I couldn’t resist.
I understand that performance wear tends to be over-the-top, but I always associated ballroom dancing with glorious, flowy outfits. When did so many of them turn into studies in terrible taste? Oh, right. In the eighties, like everything else. Unfortunately, they never moved on.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Terrible? Sure. But at least it matches the fugly living room!
From the beloved children’s book “The Slovenly Mermaid”
Now, THAT’s a ballroom gown! (With a no doubt justified but terrifying price.) By SheriLoraine
Were it not $900, I’d buy this one to wear in the drag invasion, just to see how long it would take the crowd to turn on me.
I used to love blue. Used to.
This looks like it was made by a seeing-eye dog.
Worried that your drastically asymmetrical breasts will cost you points on the dance floor? Why not turn them into a feature?
Looks like something Zsa Zsa Gabor coughed up!
Who does depression hurt?
I am a sucker for rainbow things, and fringe makes me feel all swishy (in a good way). My dream dress! By EstaDiva
Perfect for your next flamenco barn dance.
Gown by Jim Henson.
While it’s not my color, I’ll bet this vintage ballroom gown was gorgeous on stage (in the sixties). By TheIDconnection
This thing is so bright, it looks like it would charge your phone.
It turns out that tablecloths and bedskirts look as bad on people as they do on tables and beds!
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My OBT 
February 23, 2017 at 7:19 am
Another outstanding post. I love all of them.
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February 23, 2017 at 7:53 am
Bless their hearts….
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February 23, 2017 at 9:43 am
Lol! STAHP! 😅😅😅 laffing @ ‘slovenly mermaid’…I’d read that! So funny….
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February 23, 2017 at 9:59 am
I’m tempted to write it!
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February 23, 2017 at 9:43 am
I think Dusty Springfield wore that green number on stage once!
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February 23, 2017 at 10:00 am
Yes!
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February 23, 2017 at 10:59 am
The prizes for ballroom competitions must be amazing to justify the prices on some of those. Nothing justifies the taste level of most of them. (I admit, though, that if I had a couple extra thousand doing nothing, I’d be tempted to swath myself in chiffon.)
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February 23, 2017 at 3:13 pm
I think I’d go head-to-toe fringe and just spin until I threw up.
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February 23, 2017 at 4:46 pm
The Slovenly Mermaid! That had me snorting with laughter. This was the Frocky Horror Picture Show for sure.
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February 23, 2017 at 10:10 pm
Oooh, Frocky Horror needs to be an Etsomnia title. Stealing!
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February 23, 2017 at 10:13 pm
Ha! You’re welcome!
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April 29, 2024 at 11:30 am
Hi! Where is that leopard print outfit from? Thank you!
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April 29, 2024 at 11:47 am
I wish I could tell you who the seller was. I just know it was for sale on Etsy in 2017.
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