6/9/14: Do you have $330,000 burning a hole in your pocket? Do you also have a burning need to know the position of a neighboring planet? If you answered yes to these questions, then have I ever got a bridge watch for you.

 “This new Poetic Complication timepiece provides a miniature representation of the movement of six planets around the sun and their position at any given time: Earth and Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn – all visible from Earth with the naked eye.”

– Those Bastards at Van Cleef & Arpels

I am posting this watch because 1. the price is ludicrous enough to be a riot, 2. the video is a little hypnotic, and 3. the watch is legitimately lovely. Of course, it only tells time on the nearest six planets, so you’ll still have to get out your calculator to figure out the location of Uranus. Oh, stop judging me. You know you were thinking it.

The designers at Van Cleef & Arpels may have some crazy ideas about product pricing, but their designs are over-the-top spectacular. It must be said, however, that most of them look to me like they’re designed for little girls. Lucky, lucky little girls.  Since this is the closest I’ll ever get to them, here are a few watches from their aptly-named. Extraordinaire Dials collection.