Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

Mom-suitable grinder with Kief Catcher above by GardenAndGalaxy.

I don’t spend a lot of time writing about my Beloved. For one thing, she’d rather I didn’t. For another, I don’t like to brag. But the truth is she’s awesome, and she completely gets me. Want to know my favorite gift of all time from Beloved? Saw horses; real, legit, heavy-duty saw horses. I was so excited, I positively whooped for joy. It was the best non-girly gift I’ve ever received.

When I realized how happy those things made me (and how amused Beloved was with my utter joy), it got me thinking about unexpected Mother’s Day gifts; atypical gifts that celebrate those square peg, atypical, rough-and-tumble, rock-and-roll moms out there. Even the mothers one typically associates with hostess aprons, strings of pearls, and nail salon gift certificates* have a secret yearning for something that seems off-brand. This week, we’re giving the finger (sorry, Mom) to the commercials touting flowers and jewelry. We’re gonna dig deep, and find the things that would make our mothers’ inner bad asses whoop for joy.

*PLEASE NOTE: my mother was one of those hostess apron ladies, and I couldn’t love her more. I am NOT judging anyone. Just trying to exercise a little outside-the-box thinking this year.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!