Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

Story time: At the end of our 2021 season on Fire Island, after 16 years faithfully renting the same house, we discovered that the owners weren’t going to renew our lease. They said they wanted to spend more time out here, but we later learned they were just going to sell the house. Why they wouldn’t at least give us the option to put in a bid for the house we’d been caring for for more than 1.5 decades is beyond me, but it was scooped up instantly, and we found ourselves without a Fire Island home for the 2022 season. Luckily, our dear friends convinced their downstairs housemate to split his full-summer share with us, and we landed in a wonderful house. It’s definitely an upgrade from the old joint, known affectionately as the Ugg Shack (thus named because it was comfortable but also deeply ugly), but the design style of the new place is, well, I’ll be kind and call it rustic masculine. Like antlers-on-the-wall, exposed-wood, heavy-brown-pottery-everywhere kind of masculine. It feels more like a hunting lodge than a gay man’s beach house on Fire Island. It’s been an adjustment, but we have made it work, and we’re very grateful to be there.

I should mention that because most of us on Fire Island are city dwellers, we love the deer out there. We live for sightings of the little ones. The animals come down the beach every day, begging for scraps. We get to know them and give them names and can recognize them on sight. The lovely creatures are a big part of what makes the place so magical. So although I don’t mind faux antlers, decorating with real severed body parts just feels creepy and disrespectful. I have learned not to look up, which helps a little.

Anyway, since we just got back from our last Fire Island adventure of the season, all those antlers are fresh in my brain, so this week, it’s hyper-masculine decor week!

For more Etsy fun, check out all my Etsomnia™ posts!