Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
Etsy is full of beautiful things. But as we’ve learned from the last 249 episodes of Etsomnia, it’s also got more than its share of ugly. Sure, some of it is deliberate, some of it is meant as a joke, and some of it is at least self-aware, but much of it is just a case of terrible taste. And even once you take out the items that are meant to be ugly, you’re left with quite a load of items.
Blinged-out (chinless) Benjamin Franklin. Is there really a market for this thing?Genuine “upcycled” LV leather. (pause for eyeroll)Remember, parents: terrible taste starts early!Question: How do you make granny squares sexy? Answer: I don’t know, but this ain’t it. (And neither is this. Or this.)Is it just me, or does the seat appear to be upholstered in this?Why yes, this is a necklace made of candy-colored dentures! Why do you ask?“Femme Fatale” hat for when you’re planning on getting drunk and are worried the house party you’re attending won’t have suitably silly lampshades to wear.Ermine taxidermy slap bracelet. NOW, I’ve seen everything.“Funky beaded desk chair.” Perhaps they’re trying to get people to stand more. On the bright side, I found an equally unusable table to match…From the Etsy 2022 Swamp Wear Collection.Ugly Christmas sweater missing something? How about dressing it up with this tragic, dirty-looking brooch? (Is that dental floss???)My mother used to say “You shouldn’t stick your tongue out unless you’re prepared to lose it.” A throwback to the days when brides kind of hated their bridesmaids…I’m just going to leave this “All-Seeing Lemon” right here.
I literally almost choked on my tea when I saw the taxidermy slap bracelet. That is horribly hysterical. What impresses me with this diverse array of wonders is how much skill and effort is involved in the creation of some of them (chihuahua purse, eyeball lemon). Also, I am pretty sure I know someone who would swoon over that fussy, primped out baby car seat. Judder.
People are strange. Laura’s right, though. There was a lot of skill involved in making that hideous thing (it comes in yellow, too). I’m sure someone somewhere thinks it’s fantastic.
My OBT 
October 13, 2022 at 6:15 am
I literally almost choked on my tea when I saw the taxidermy slap bracelet. That is horribly hysterical. What impresses me with this diverse array of wonders is how much skill and effort is involved in the creation of some of them (chihuahua purse, eyeball lemon). Also, I am pretty sure I know someone who would swoon over that fussy, primped out baby car seat. Judder.
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October 14, 2022 at 9:23 am
As terrible as most of it is, I think I’m most horrified by the baby seat cover. Blerg.
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October 13, 2022 at 8:08 am
Same as Laura’s comment above… but for that all-seeing lemon(???) WHAT in the ever-loving………!!?? :O
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October 14, 2022 at 9:24 am
People are strange. Laura’s right, though. There was a lot of skill involved in making that hideous thing (it comes in yellow, too). I’m sure someone somewhere thinks it’s fantastic.
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October 13, 2022 at 8:48 am
**opens up fruit bin in fridge. Sees lemons. Quickly slams fridge door.** What in the heck??!!
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October 14, 2022 at 9:24 am
THEY CAN SEE YOU!!!
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October 13, 2022 at 9:59 am
I tried really hard to find something that I like about today’s post, finaly gave up. Hal
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October 14, 2022 at 9:33 am
That seems right.
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October 13, 2022 at 11:36 am
i was loving that fancy chair until i scrolled down far enough to see the seat.
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October 14, 2022 at 9:33 am
People have terrible taste and weird ideas.
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October 14, 2022 at 9:37 am
maybe they’re into cosplaying riding wolfhounds through baroque medieval castles… don’t judge.
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October 17, 2022 at 11:50 am
You’re kind. I would expect the wolfhounds in question would be a little more judgy about it.
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October 13, 2022 at 3:37 pm
I just can’t imagine spending the time doing this.
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October 14, 2022 at 9:34 am
Yes, but judging by the alarming nature of some of the items, maybe it’s keeping them too occupied to go out and actually murder people.
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October 14, 2022 at 10:32 am
LOL!!
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