My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume XV: The Wedding Issue!

14 Comments

Enjoy your special day! Voluminous silk dress on sulky model by KamogelBeadDesigns

Enjoy your special day! Gratuitously voluminous silk dress on gratuitously sulky model. 

et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.

I was discussing the wonders of Etsy with a recent bride, and she suggested my Etsomnia™ series needed a wedding edition. The more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea. I did think about saving it until the spring, but I can’t wait that long.

I have to admit I don’t usually love weddings. However, I definitely love planning weddings (non-professionally) and hunting around for the perfect items is the very best part. Okay, the second best part. Etsy’s inevitable bridal boo-boos and nuptial uglies are the best thing for me!

As usual, the seller’s name below the picture links to the item for sale. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

Let's start with a goodie. Here's an Edwardian engagement ring sold by PebbleAndPolish

Highly desirable Edwardian engagement ring sold by PebbleAndPolish

I get that weddings are expensive, but $5K for a paper dress? A PAPER DRESS? Oh, and it only comes in sizes 0-4. Why is that? Did they close the Staples by designer Artesa's house?

I get that weddings are expensive, but $5K for an unflattering paper dress? A PAPER DRESS? Oh, and it only comes in sizes 0-4. Why is that? Did they close the Staples by the designer’s house?

And speaking of recycling opportunities, get a load of this $1200 "PuffScape 4ft WEDDING Place Card Centerpiece" by EventsHandmade. Yike.

And speaking of recycling opportunities, get a load of this $1200 “PuffScape 4ft WEDDING Place Card Centerpiece.” Yike

I expected that searching for wedding and crochet would turn up something special, but I was unprepared for this, um, vision by TranscendentBird.

I expected that searching for wedding and crochet would turn up something special, but I was unprepared for this epic fail.

At least there's a flower girl dress to go with it. By HappyBOWtique

At least there’s a flower girl dress to go with the that crocheted dress. The maker clearly despises children. And flowers.

I could absolutely envision using a cake topper like this deco-style beauty by DistinctlyInspired

I could absolutely envision using a cake topper like this deco-style beauty by the aptly-named DistinctlyInspired

On the other hand, this topper is the wrong kind of memorable. By MudCards, embarrassing brides' mothers since 2010!

On the other hand, this topper is the wrong kind of memorable. By MudCards, embarrassing brides’ mothers since 2010

Not only is this paper wedding arch hideous, it's also too short! By BlomesPaperie, who should go back and re-watch Spinal Tap.

Not only is this paper wedding arch hideous, it’s also too short! It’s reminding me a bit of this.

Is your cranium shaped like Stewie Griffin's? Do you have presidential ears? Is your head feeling a bit bloated? Have no fear! This head corset will save the day! By IntricateJewelry

Is your cranium shaped like Stewie Griffin’s? Do you have presidential ears? Concerned about wedding day forehead bloat? Have no fear! This head corset will save the day! 

It's hard to imagine that anyone would choose this for their Special Day, but I sure hope bestie and I get invited to the wedding. We would snort ourselves unconscious. By StaysiLeeCouture

It’s hard to imagine the bride who chooses this for their Special Day, but I sure hope bestie and I get invited to the wedding. We would snort and elbow each other unconscious, especially if the bride looked this much like Nellie Oleson.

I am hopelessly in love with these skeleton-key-bottle-opener wedding favors by TreesOfLace

I am hopelessly in love with these skeleton-key-bottle-opener wedding favors by TreesOfLace

The perfect headpiece for your toilet paper-themed wedding. 

Yes, please. Gorgeous black and white embroidered wedding dress by the amazing AvailCo

Yes, please. Gorgeous black and white embroidered wedding dress by the amazing AvailCo

Outdoor wedding? DreamReel has just the thing! You can get married under this barely-disguised (and misspelled) mosquito net!

Outdoor wedding? Etsy has just the thing! You can get married under this barely-disguised (and misspelled) mosquito net “alter!”

I knew I'd have fun looking for bridesmaid's dresses, but I never expected THIS much fun! By JoanneHandmade

I knew I’d have fun looking for bridesmaid’s dresses, but I never expected THIS much fun! 

Want to know just how low the bride’s self esteem is? Her bridesmaids’ dresses are a great barometer. I pity the poor unfortunates who are made to wear this thing.

Bridesmaids gifts are generally weak and my friends aren't, so I'd be way more inclined to give my girls this fierce hand-forged knife made from a railroad tie! From NorthernCrescentIron

Bridesmaids gifts are generally weak and my friends aren’t, so I’d be way more inclined to give my girls this fierce hand-forged knife made from a railroad tie! From NorthernCrescentIron

Awkward. By IzesMarlen who was unsuccessful at hiding the fact that her dress is fugly.

Awkward. I love that the photographer was unsuccessful at hiding the fact that the dress is ill-fitting, ugly, and has had some stranger’s bits on it.

Dear Eighties, We do not miss your overblown faux-Victorian-styled weddings. Kindly take them back. (In the interest of full disclosure, I was guilty of some of that bad taste, too, but at least I avoided the hat nonsense.)

Dear Eighties, We do not miss your fussy, faux-Victorian-styled weddings. Kindly keep them to yourself. (In the interest of full disclosure, I was guilty of some of that bad taste, too, but at least I avoided the hat regrets.) 

And while we're on hats, get a load of this disaster. By GoldenDreamFinds

And while we’re on hats, get a load of this disaster. I assume the bride and groom will drive off after the wedding in this.

Spectacular groomsmen's gift that might actually be something your groomsmen would want to own! By TheManRegistry, which I explored a little and it's good fun!

Spectacular groomsmen’s gift that might actually be something your friends would want to own! By TheManRegistry

This. By Decorations12

This is everything.

W the actual F? Fur pumpkin centerpiece. By OrnateSplendor who really hates rabbits

W the actual F? Real fur pumpkin centerpiece. I’d like to locate and set fire to the maker’s craft room. It would be a public service.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

14 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume XV: The Wedding Issue!

  1. I think the pink number with the pool cue mistakenly got Marie Antoinette’s entire pastry tower tucked into the tush of that dress. My word! This is a spectacular edition for your Etsomnia collection. There was a fair bit of head shaking going on over here today.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your Etsomnia posts and comments are now one of my very favorite things on the interwebs!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The only thing better than seeing these (mostly) dreadful images is the description of the “alter” . . . one would have to be in an altered state! Snorts and elbows all around!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. F.Y.I., there are some beautiful wedding dress pictures on the site linked below, though the English is a bit complicated, to say the least.
    Fave quote 1: Mermaid gown can display bride’s physique much more incredible and get slender waistline and dangle crotch appropriate contrast.
    Fave quote 2: Layer with coating chapel teach soccer ball gown can improve the amount experience of your wedding event dress and increase woman’s womanly nature, allowing you to such as a gorgeous princess.

    http://stylishsmile.wordpress.com/2014/10/31/interesting-wedding-gown-styles-give-you-much-more-selections/

    Like

  5. oh boy, another incredible etsy roundup.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Note to self: do not eat afternoon snack and get caught up on OBT at the same time. One risks choking.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Etsomnia™ Volume XVI: Jewels of the Bile | My OBT

  8. Pingback: 365 Days of Beautiful Things!!! | My OBT

  9. Pingback: Etsomnia™ Volume XXXXI: Ermahgerd! Prom! | My OBT

  10. Pingback: Etsomnia™ Volume 70: Hate* Couture | My OBT

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