Enjoy your special day! Gratuitously voluminous silk dress on gratuitously sulky model.
et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.
I was discussing the wonders of Etsy with a recent bride, and she suggested my Etsomnia™ series needed a wedding edition. The more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea. I did think about saving it until the spring, but I can’t wait that long.
I have to admit I don’t usually love weddings. However, I definitely love planning weddings (non-professionally) and hunting around for the perfect items is the very best part. Okay, the second best part. Etsy’s inevitable bridal boo-boos and nuptial uglies are the best thing for me!
As usual, the seller’s name below the picture links to the item for sale. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Highly desirable Edwardian engagement ring sold by PebbleAndPolish
I get that weddings are expensive, but $5K for an unflattering paper dress? A PAPER DRESS? Oh, and it only comes in sizes 0-4. Why is that? Did they close the Staples by the designer’s house?
And speaking of recycling opportunities, get a load of this $1200 “PuffScape 4ft WEDDING Place Card Centerpiece.” Yike
I expected that searching for wedding and crochet would turn up something special, but I was unprepared for this epic fail.
At least there’s a flower girl dress to go with the that crocheted dress. The maker clearly despises children. And flowers.
I could absolutely envision using a cake topper like this deco-style beauty by the aptly-named DistinctlyInspired
On the other hand, this topper is the wrong kind of memorable. By MudCards, embarrassing brides’ mothers since 2010
Not only is this paper wedding arch hideous, it’s also too short! It’s reminding me a bit of this.
Is your cranium shaped like Stewie Griffin’s? Do you have presidential ears? Concerned about wedding day forehead bloat? Have no fear! This head corset will save the day!
It’s hard to imagine the bride who chooses this for their Special Day, but I sure hope bestie and I get invited to the wedding. We would snort and elbow each other unconscious, especially if the bride looked this much like Nellie Oleson.
I am hopelessly in love with these skeleton-key-bottle-opener wedding favors by TreesOfLace
The perfect headpiece for your toilet paper-themed wedding.
Yes, please. Gorgeous black and white embroidered wedding dress by the amazing AvailCo
Outdoor wedding? Etsy has just the thing! You can get married under this barely-disguised (and misspelled) mosquito net “alter!”
I knew I’d have fun looking for bridesmaid’s dresses, but I never expected THIS much fun!
Want to know just how low the bride’s self esteem is? Her bridesmaids’ dresses are a great barometer. I pity the poor unfortunates who are made to wear this thing.
Bridesmaids gifts are generally weak and my friends aren’t, so I’d be way more inclined to give my girls this fierce hand-forged knife made from a railroad tie! From NorthernCrescentIron
Awkward. I love that the photographer was unsuccessful at hiding the fact that the dress is ill-fitting, ugly, and has had some stranger’s bits on it.
Dear Eighties, We do not miss your fussy, faux-Victorian-styled weddings. Kindly keep them to yourself. (In the interest of full disclosure, I was guilty of some of that bad taste, too, but at least I avoided the hat regrets.)
And while we’re on hats, get a load of this disaster. I assume the bride and groom will drive off after the wedding in this.
Spectacular groomsmen’s gift that might actually be something your friends would want to own! By TheManRegistry
This is everything.
W the actual F? Real fur pumpkin centerpiece. I’d like to locate and set fire to the maker’s craft room. It would be a public service.
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My OBT 
November 6, 2014 at 8:20 am
I think the pink number with the pool cue mistakenly got Marie Antoinette’s entire pastry tower tucked into the tush of that dress. My word! This is a spectacular edition for your Etsomnia collection. There was a fair bit of head shaking going on over here today.
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November 6, 2014 at 7:17 pm
Your Etsomnia posts and comments are now one of my very favorite things on the interwebs!
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November 6, 2014 at 9:35 pm
Thank you! That’s lovely to hear!
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November 6, 2014 at 8:12 pm
The only thing better than seeing these (mostly) dreadful images is the description of the “alter” . . . one would have to be in an altered state! Snorts and elbows all around!
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November 6, 2014 at 9:36 pm
“Snorts and elbows all around” is now going to be a thing in my house, thanks to you!
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November 6, 2014 at 10:01 pm
F.Y.I., there are some beautiful wedding dress pictures on the site linked below, though the English is a bit complicated, to say the least.
Fave quote 1: Mermaid gown can display bride’s physique much more incredible and get slender waistline and dangle crotch appropriate contrast.
Fave quote 2: Layer with coating chapel teach soccer ball gown can improve the amount experience of your wedding event dress and increase woman’s womanly nature, allowing you to such as a gorgeous princess.
http://stylishsmile.wordpress.com/2014/10/31/interesting-wedding-gown-styles-give-you-much-more-selections/
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November 7, 2014 at 3:22 pm
oh boy, another incredible etsy roundup.
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November 7, 2014 at 3:42 pm
Etsy keeps setting ’em up, and I keep knocking ’em down.
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November 12, 2014 at 4:22 pm
Note to self: do not eat afternoon snack and get caught up on OBT at the same time. One risks choking.
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November 12, 2014 at 4:31 pm
Oh, dear.
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