Etsomnia™ Volume XLIII: Not the Brightest Bulbs

May 28, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 25 Comments

When it comes to lamps (and most other things), cherubs are almost always a bad idea. Sold by Bleuets

When it comes to lamps (and everything else), cherubs are almost always a bad idea. Even the dog looks disgusted.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

As you know, every week, I celebrate (okay, mock) the wonderful mix of vintage items and handmade things that is Etsy. When I was looking for the entries in last week’s WTF post, I came across the doll head lamp below, and it sent me on a fun tangent exploring Etsy’s lamps. I am thrilled to report that today’s theme has delivered up every bit as much excitement as the other categories I’ve explored. The lighting offerings ran the gamut from brilliant and beautiful to bizarre to just plain ugly.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

This is the lamp that started me down this particular rabbit hole. By HeamarKat

This is the “night light” that started me down this particular rabbit hole. Can you imagine waking up to this?

I don't know what he's so damned happy about. By YesterdayAndTomorrow

I was shocked to discover this lamp wasn’t modeled after this guy.

I can’t decide whether the top of the shoe is stuffed with dead grass or electrical wires. With any luck, it’s both.

I want to make fun of this angler fish night light, but I’m powerless against its awesomeness. By CrankyAmoeba

This is a lamp made of a pillow made of a vintage bedspread. It's Etsy in a nutshell. By CottageQTZ

This is a lamp made out of a pillow made out of a used bedspread. It’s the most meta Etsy thing ever.

I understand the concept of shabby chic. I do. But this is crappy chic. Ironically, sold by ShabbyChicByDesign

If this desiccated-looking thing goes with your decor, then you have bigger problems than just lighting.

Highly desirable Brooklyn Bridge nightlight. Must have! By IoannisKatsanos (Okay, yes, it comes from Greece. Who cares?)

The only French-looking thing about this eyesore is the fact that it looks like it might smell of cigarettes. By ProvencalMarket

“French Shabby Ribbon Chandelier.” The only French-looking thing about this eyesore is the fact that it looks like it might smell of stale cigarettes and ennui.

Holy crap, this is ugly. By TwistedVictoria

See? What did I tell you? Cherubs are ALWAYS a bad idea.

Considering the amount of gimmick involved in this fixture, it's pretty amazing that the overall effect is so balanced and lovely. By PMGlassArt

Considering the clashing themes in this fixture, it’s pretty amazing that the overall effect is so balanced. I want to judge it, but I can’t. By PMGlassArt

The base is cool enough that I'm imagining this lamp got drunk and put that lampshade on as a joke. By LaCornejaNegra

The base is cool enough that I’m imagining this lamp got drunk and is wearing that lampshade because it lost a bet.

“Oh Cute!” is how the description of this terrible thing begins.

This is a cross between lady parts and Audrey (no, not Hepburn). By BluffCityDesignCo

This looks to me like a cross between diseased lady parts and Audrey (no, not Hepburn).

I know it looks like a couple of mops, but no. It's a lampshade. By TinkerMelz

I know it appears to be a collection of rags, but no. It’s a lampshade which does nothing to shade the lamp. On the bright side, it’s probably flammable.

I am a sucker for any design employing Mason jars, and these pendant lights are no exception. If our kitchen ceiling wasn't so low, I'd be all over this thing. By VintageSprings

I am a sucker for any design employing Mason jars, and this yummy chandelier is no exception. If our kitchen ceiling wasn’t so low, it would be on its way to me right now. By VintageSprings

This looks to me like an ideal spider nursery. By FactoryOfHappiness

This looks to me like an ideal environment in which to raise baby spiders. <shudder>

Disturbing lamp by the remarkably self-aware RePSYCHOlamp

It’s okay. They used all parts of the doll.

So many things wrong with this pair, I don't even know where to start. By AnniesImages

Alright, last cherub lamp. But do you see what I mean? Total twaddle.

This is really quite special. By AlteredVintage

Q. What do you do with the junk you find under your crafts desk?
A. Nothing good.

If you must do the ornate thing, this is definitely the way to go. Absolutely stunning example of High Victorian done right. By the very talented NightShades

If you must do the ornate thing, this is definitely the way to go. Absolutely stunning example of High Victorian done right. I don’t want to live with it, but as a piece of art, I have great respect and appreciation for it. By the extrordinarily-talented NightShades

This reminds me a bit of Luxor's middle-aged aunt. By LifeAndStylePrint

This oddly touching, dejected-looking little guy looks like it should be best friends with Luxo Jr.

Go home, poodle lamp. You are drunk.

Carved octopus lantern (for $5,500). By TwoGuysAndADog

If you described this to me, I would laugh out loud. But it’s actually kind of beautiful in an over-the-top way. In the right space, it could be a gorgeous statement piece. By TwoGuysAndADog