Etsomnia™ Volume 71: Ugly (Christmas) Sweaters

December 24, 2015 by Donna from One Beautiful Thing 15 Comments

And that’s why you don’t feed mothballs to reindeer. By MadeThruLove

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Happy Christmas Eve! I wanted to do something seasonal, and when Beloved suggested ugly Christmas sweaters, I knew it was just the thing.

Years ago, your aunt or mother-in-law would give (or, heaven forbid, make) you a Christmas sweater which you were obligated to wear. However, while they used to be an embarrassment, these days, ugly Christmas sweaters are a thing. Though it seems to me that sticking random things on a sweater shouldn’t really count, some of them are still entertaining.

Like all Etsy searches, this one pulled up some real prize winners. The ugly Christmas sweater motif can also be found on everything from hats to shoes to purses to ice cream cozies to whatever these people are selling. The search for “Christmas sweater” also pulled up one item too awful to keep to myself. (Santa is clearly bringing me coal for that one.)

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™posts. Have a wonderful Christmas! Or a wonderful Friday! Whatever!

This is listed as a "Not So Ugly" Christmas Sweater. Wrong. By TrueRebelClothing

This is listed as a “Not So Ugly” Christmas Sweater. That is a misstatement

These are very cute. Unless they're actually knitted. In which case, they suck. By KnittyKittyClothing

These are very cute. Unless they’re knitted. In which case, you’ll spend all day scratching your ass. By KnittyKittyClothing

I love that the cat looks like it's trying to vomit on the counter. CatsFashionArt is lucky if that's all he does

I love that the cat looks like it’s trying to vomit on the counter. You’d be lucky if that’s all he does

I'm going to keep my thoughts on this one to myself. Feel free to do the same. By ThatsUgly

I’m going to keep my thoughts on this sweater (and all the others like it) to myself. Feel free to do the same. By the aptly-named ThatsUgly

Worried about being sexually harassed at your work holiday party? This ought to put a stop to that! By JaceOriginals

Concerned you’ll be sexually harassed at your work holiday party? No worries! JaceOriginals has you covered. Literally!

They may not be sweaters, but they’re certainly ugly AND Christmassy! By KarensArtisticWays

Why, yes. That is an ugly Christmas sweater on my bearded dragon. Why do you ask? By EmilysBeardedShop

Why, yes. That is a bearded dragon in an ugly Christmas sweater. Why do you ask? By EmilysBeardedShop

By the surprisingly self-aware folks at UglyXmas

It’s Little House on the Scary! By StealofaDeal

This is a sweater for one of those creepy shelf Elf things. My niece would love it. By NiniSaysSew

This is a sweater for one of those creepy shelf Elf things. Niece Maggie would love it. By NiniSaysSew

Described as a cute gift for your boyfriend. I'm no expert, but I'll bet if you polled men, they'd hate it. By 3LittlePurls

Described as a cute gift for your boyfriend. The men I know would chuck this in the bin immediately.

Look! Chicken sweater! By BagsAndMoreByPam

Sure, the sweater’s bad and the joke’s worse, but it’s the finger that really convinced me to include it. By TaborsTreasures

This will either help or hurt your career, but I promise the day after the holiday party, SOMETHING will happen. "NOT PLASTIC, NOT intened for breastfeeding" sweater by YourSassyGrandma

This will either help or hurt your career, but I promise the day after the holiday party, SOMETHING will happen. “Not intened for breastfeeding” sweater by YourSassyGrandma. Well, not YOUR grandma, obviously.