Butterflies, now with more America!
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
Flag day is next Tuesday, so I thought this week’s edition should be about tasteful items featuring the old red white and blue. And as usual, Etsy definitely didn’t disappoint. There were even some very exciting surprises!
Announcement: Someone pointed out last week how unkind it is that Etsomnia makes fun of artists. To be honest, I’ve been a bit worried that I was hurting makers’ feelings, so I took a few days to think (obsessively) about it, and I have concluded that it’s time to make my less positive observations anonymous. From now on, I will not link to anyone whose merchandise I am lampooning. I will, however, still include links to the things I love. If I can’t have them, somebody should!
What a cool idea! I knew it was a mistake when Brooklyn let the Dodgers go. By UrbanAmericana
I blame the parents.
Dude looks like a lady.
No, this is not a tshirt Bruce Banner Hulked out of or Edward Scissorhands’ favorite underwear. This is a “bohemian flag.” I can’t imagine why you didn’t guess that right away.
As a scarf, it may be a failure, but the cats will love it!
Friends don’t let friends wear berets. (Especially not this one.)
“I’ve made a cross of paint-splattered garbage with naked Barbies sitting on it, but I can’t figure out what’s missing. I know! A flag!”
One of the materials listed for this thing is “whimsy.” It looks to me more like “wingnut.”
Adorable! By BuffaloGalVintage. This, on the other hand, is simultaneously too much and too little!
Nothing says “freedom” like a red, white, and blue handcuff bracelet.
If there’s one thing that comes to mind when I think of patriotism, it’s a hippo in a top hat under a cocktail umbrella.
Finally! The United States of Etsy has found its flag!
This is the opposite of a fascinator. It’s a repulsor.
This is how Trump supporters identify each other at music festivals.
Absolutely stunning flag made of reclaimed wood. By EvergreenGoodsCo
I was so relieved to read this was one of a kind.
Patriotic suede would be a great band name.
You should know that if I see this hanging on your door, I’m not responsible for what happens.
Flag shark slippers. Why? Etsy. That’s why.
This abomination claims to go with everything from jeans to business clothes. I agree. It would be equally terrible with everything.
Oh-so-cute vintage pocket knife. By Downthepipelines
Share:
My OBT 
June 9, 2016 at 7:27 am
The new flag: stars and stripes and sparkles!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 7:42 am
Indeed!
LikeLike
June 9, 2016 at 7:30 am
I think that swimsuit is cute! However, after browsing all the lovely whimsical items filled with creativity, I now need a hamburger topped with a hotdog and potato chips. The breakfast of Muricans! My husband uses the word Murica on a daily basis and fortunately for me, it has rubbed off on me too. I had to share this post with him. His words…”Murica!”…that means awesome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 7:43 am
So cute! We use it a lot, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 7:47 am
What’s nice about it is you don’t need a reason. You just say….Murica….that’s why.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 7:46 am
Oh and that sweater is making me hot. I think it might be best to use the scarf as a necktie with the sweater since it is gonna be 98 degrees today. I would go for the leggings, but they are my nemesis. I don’t care if they are all cute cuz of stars and strips and Murica wings and matching makeup. I hate leggings….although, they could go with the sweater and scarf tie….decisions! The denim teddy bear jumper…I’m thinking would look great on this FORTY FOUR year old when I join the quiverful movement and start homeschooling the chihuahuas. No comment on the crocheted banana warmer other than it should have been yellow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 8:20 am
OMG homeschooling the chihuahuas is my new favorite phrase! I, too, suffer from legging dysplasia. The struggle is real!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 8:26 am
It is real, and I catch a lot of grief for my politically incorrect ideas on legging. I told my sister she might as well just wear panty hose. Dirty looks all over the place! The first time I spoke about my phobia, 3 family members got up from their seated position…ALL were wearing legging. Why I didn’t notice before I opened my big mouth? They were at a table.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 9:13 am
Whoopsie. Sounds just like something I’d do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 9:11 am
My 14 year old son and I have the following thoughts on the crocheted…dildo? Covering? After much discussion we are positive that it must be decorative only, as there’s no way anyone would be happy if they “used” it. Also, we deeply hope that the artist is a sweet little old granny, in a pink and blue house with Precious Moments figurines and The Price Is Right on TV while she happily crochets her penis cozies, and includes homemade cookies in every package.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 9:15 am
Just read this aloud to Beloved (we are waiting for a plane), and we and everyone around us hooted up a storm!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 9:25 am
Oh, yay! That makes my day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 11:24 am
Your reply just made me laugh so loudly that I made my cat jump in terror.
LikeLiked by 2 people
June 9, 2016 at 2:57 pm
I enjoy frightening animals. It feels like victory.
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 11:28 am
Nothing says patriotism and celebration of freedom like crocheted penis covers and fugly knitwear.
As an aside, I personally never contemplated that posting the links would be akin to taunting but I think your compromise strikes the right balance. Maybe any publicity is good publicity and it was all good humoured but we can all continue to chortle without the links. I confess, however, that when listing the pros and cons to my possibly selling art on Etsy one of my fears is that I might end up featuring on Etsomnia. Ha ha ha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 3:03 pm
I’m sure nothing you make could reach the level of suck required to make one of these posts!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 3:06 pm
You are right. These posts are strangely reassuring. It’s like watching a TV show about people with filthy houses so I don’t feel bad about not having dusted or washed the baseboards.,
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 9, 2016 at 9:45 pm
Exactly. It’s the Internet version of Hoarders.
LikeLiked by 1 person