My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 96: Short Story

by 28 Comments

shorts 1

If crocheted shorts are actually becoming a thing, I’m moving to Antartica where no shorts are worn until the siege passes.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

I don’t know about where you are, but in New York, the weather is finally hot. This means that shorts are appearing  everywhere; on the street, in the office, even at formal occasions. And as usual, Etsy carries the full range from $3 pre-stained shorts to vintage shorts that inexplicably cost $2,500.

These are supposedly suitable to wear to weddings. Whose?

These are supposedly suitable to wear to weddings. Whose?

Oh, to be fearless and skinny and 18 again! By Artfink

Oh, to be 18 and fearless and skinny again! By Artfink

For the woman who has everything: shorts with an identity crisis. Two identity crisis, actually.

From the Harley Quinn for Sears collection.

For years, I've been joking that donuts should be applied directly to my hips. It seems someone took me seriously. By Mtcoffinz

For years, I’ve been joking that donuts should be applied directly to my hips. It seems someone took me seriously. By Mtcoffinz

[swoon] Fantastic mermaid shorts by CoquetryClothing

[swoon] Fantastic mermaid shorts by CoquetryClothing

While I can’t get away with booty shorts anymore, I’m still not willing to sink to the full-adult-diaper look.

If this is the look you're going for, mission accomplished!

If this is the look they’re going for, they nailed it!

shorts 2

He’s certainly feeling his awful crocheted shorts. That’s good, because certainly no one else will be feeling them.

To what occasion would you wear these?

The fire extinguisher is unnecessary. These are definitely not hot.

Is that a palm tree on your pants, or is the guy next to you happy to see me?

Unless these are intended to go over adult diapers, there's no reason for them.

Unless these are intended to go over adult diapers, there’s no excuse for them.

You should know that when guys look at your ass, they'd rather be looking at pussy. Cats.

You know those pervs on the subway who are always trying to catch a glimpse of pussy? This is not what they have in mind.

I would wear the hell out of these things!

Back in the day, I would have thrown on my leather biker jacket and worn the hell out of these things! By MadameFantasy

As seen on Real Housewives of Appalachia

As seen on Real Housewives of Appalachia

Care Bear "festival" shorts. What the hell goes on at these festivals?

Care Bear “festival” shorts. What the hell goes on at these festivals?

I think "One of a kind" is kind of underselling it. Don't you?

I think “One of a kind” is kind of underselling it. Don’t you?

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

28 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 96: Short Story”

Leave a comment

  1. Anisa
    June 30, 2016 at 7:11 am

    High of 10C and raining here in England today…..at least the upside is that I won’t be seeing too many of these fashion trends around! Enjoy the hot weather where you are. *jealous!*

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. allthoughtswork
    June 30, 2016 at 8:46 am

    If I ever need to squelch my libido in an emergency, I know which post to come back to.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. dawnmarie
    June 30, 2016 at 8:53 am

    If I had legs like the gal in the off white little house on the prairie tutu shorts, I’d be wearing shorts in general!!!!! I’d be in them Appalachian housewives shorts! Alas, I am imprisoned to denim jeans. I really need to think about crocheted jeans in the future to mix it up a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Elizabeth Levesque
    June 30, 2016 at 8:58 am

    I too, love those black shorts, and would have worn them in my younger days. You picked some real good ones today Donna…I had a nice laugh, thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. artfulblasphemer
    June 30, 2016 at 9:00 am

    Thank you for a morning festival of laughter. My goodness, I’m glad I left the wearing of shorts to others long ago……

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Laura (PA Pict)
    June 30, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    I like the look of the mermaid ones and the black sequinned ones but otherwise this collection veers from the silly to the ridiculous and on to the beyond hideous. That said, I know nothing about shorts. The closest I get to wearing shorts is culottes. Even when I am at my ideal body weight (which has not been the case for several years now) I do not have the legs for shorts. I have the legs of a pit pony.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Donna from MyOBT
      June 30, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      The legs of a pit pony. You make it sound so cute! I am past shorts myself. I did cave in to peer (Beloved) pressure and get myself a pair of long-ish denim shorts, but I mostly lack the nerve to wear them.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Laura (PA Pict)
        June 30, 2016 at 6:52 pm

        I’m petite (of height, not girth) so regular sized short culottes work like long shorts on me. I don’t even allow a glimpse of pudgy knee. Pit ponies had sturdy, stocky wee legs but not the graceful shape of a show horse. That’s me.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Berry
    June 30, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    I love those mermaid shorts, to be honest, but I haven’t worn shorts in years.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. spiritbabycomehome
    July 1, 2016 at 5:19 am

    Awesome. This post rocks. Take me with you if the crochet short seize takes hold will ya?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. Lara/Trace
    July 3, 2016 at 9:46 am

    my eyes hurt – bad bad bad shorts

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. changmarce
    July 4, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    jjajaja the first crochet short remember me this blog : http://whatnottocrochet.blogspot.cl/.. is hilarious…as a knitter i will secretly love wearing them at my house alone 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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