What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 106: Derpocalypse Now


The twins looked at each other in horror. She wanted to put her feet WHERE?!?

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Derpy is a made-up word often used to describe facial expressions on animals and people that look awkward, goofy, or very, very stoned. And derpery is not a new concept. It has been with us for as long as there have been artists with only a passing understanding of what people and animals are supposed to look like.
Of course, I am abundantly aware that Etsy is basically derp central, but even so, I was amazed by the sheer breadth and depth of the derp. Enjoy!

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

Taxiderpy is just one of Etsy’s specialties.

Oh lord

Myrna knew her legs were her best feature … and that wasn’t saying very much.

Turns out derpery is as common in the vintage category as in the handmade stuff

Turns out derpery is as common in the vintage category as it is in the handmade stuff

A rare view of the now-extinct neckless mountain lion. Unable to turn their heads, most of them died while spinning in a circle trying to see who was laughing at them.

These are cat “bowl fillers.” I assume this is the bowl to which they refer.

More tigers, allegedly.

Nothing to see here. Just a poorly-painted tiger in false eyelashes humping a lion.

Is this hat making anyone else feel a sudden need to re-watch Mr. Deeds

Etsy scarves seem especially fraught with derp peril

The Etsy scarf category seem especially rife with derp. This, for example, is an alligator, allegedly.

This is a purse. A PURSE.

Where but Etsy can you buy a wicker monkey purse that looks like it’s been crying?

Incoming hairball in 3… 2…

It is a little-known fact that wall-eyed poodles are excellent golfers.

It is a little-known fact that wall-eyed poodles are excellent golfers.

I don’t want to buy her, but I’d hire her. She looks very competent.

Grandpa seemed very proud of his new teeth..

When grandpa gets new dentures and can’t stop smiling…

This gem is a taxidermied hedgehog hatpin. WTF???

Etsy, for all your taxidermied hedgehog hatpin needs.

Hay, girl, haaaay!

Chester was beginning to wonder if he should have asked for credentials. How would he know if this guy was a real crocodile proctologist?

Margot always regretted how much she resembled her father's side of the family.

Princess Margot always regretted how much she resembled her father’s side of the family.

No matter how much he begged, they would never let Rupert play in their reindeer games. Fuckers.

The reader caption contest is back! Write your captions in the comments.

The reader caption contest is back! Write your captions in the comments.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

23 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 106: Derpocalypse Now

  1. “Street drugs sure are a lot stronger than I remember as a kid, eh honey?”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Reblogged this on mgthumbprints and commented:
    Just for fun! Enjoy and follow her!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you don’t mind, I reblogged you again! I just love Etsomnia!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh man. This post was a trip. It reminded me of my grandmas old shed and some of the things we would find in it when I was a little girl…right down to the taxidermy rodent. I hated going into that shed. Big, dusty, ghost town creepy. I swear I have seen some of these items before. Were the shop locations in the Appalachians by chance? If so, I want what should have been willed to me! Names and addresses please.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I was going to write a caption, but rossmurray1’s seems to sum it all up!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Back in the day being able to keep one eye on the pot and the other up the chimney was a skill to be envied.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh my word! This is like a showcase of derpy, like the gold medal winners from the Derpy Olympics. I am also very glad that you have introduced me to the term Taxiderpy. I need to share that word with my kids. I am also going to show them that first link you had, the one to the website of derpy animals. They will explode with laughter.

    Now to the caption contest. I suck at these things but shall have a go. Algernon could make the same face as Hubert without the aid of the gerkin butt plug.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Am I the only one who feels strangely ill?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sailor says “oi, that there’s got to be a world record , mate” she says “my hero”. Great post – especially loved the reindeer.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I definitely have this disorder. My Etsy shop browsing usually starts in the morning before I jump in the shower. lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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