What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 147: Portraits


I’d ask for my money back. That doesn’t look anything like her.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

There are a lot of talented portrait artists on Etsy. With a few noted exceptions, however, these are not them. As usual, I’m hardest on the felters (because it’s so much funnier when a bad portrait is in 3 dimensions). Today’s search turned up as many adorable, funny, unexpected portraits as it did tragic, hilarious, inept ones.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

Your infant as a Buddy Hackett doll.

After many hours of staring and fruitless internet searches, my Facebook friends helped me figure out who he reminds me of. Wonderful portrait by BarleyandBayley

The favorite portrait artist of overweight dogs and flattened ponies alike!

This portrait is done with Legos! I really want to see one up close. So cool! By OnceUponABrick

Best looking clay family portrait ever! By NicomadeMe

I like how the maker really captured the look of total hopelessness in the dog’s eyes…

Of all of the different forms that Etsy portraits take, this is far and away my favorite. By ThePinataBuilder

Impressive, but I guarantee any child growing up with this image of himself is going to be an entitled asshole.

On the other hand, I can’t imagine the subject of this tribute to poor taste to be anything but a perfect gentleman.

This is like one of those apps that shows how you will look in 30 years, only much, much more expensive.

Phenomenal Norman Rockwell-style oil portrait by DannerArt, who offers all kinds of retro styles!

More celebrity look-alike portraiture…

This is one of the more fragile options, but that’s okay. It doesn’t look like the marriage is going to last long, anyway.

I know this is a great portrait, but it still reminded me of a certain movie scene… By GourmetFelted

I  love the photo this was done from, but the portrait far out-cools the picture! By MentyraPortraits

As a portrait, it’s pretty good, but as a fashion accessory, it’s a total shit show.

Your portrait in carbonite.

Is it just me, or are the eyes following you, too?

Portrait skill level: Wizard. By keceinadi

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

16 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 147: Portraits

  1. It seems like felt is either horribly tragic or absolutely amazing – the last one and the puppet guy in the link are fantastic! And that painting of the girl, just wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Some of these are just down right creepy! (Dog head in box & cat head on the hand are both a whole lot of NOPE!) Others, though, are quite good (having captured the likeness well, such as the last, felt-guy in red shirt, the girl with the fox, and the “gentleman” dog. Some are cute and novel (the Lego and clay-family portraits) while most of the rest are just weird and novel. I guess the good thing about poorly skilled products is they help us more easily identify what’s good!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I suck arse at portraiture. I can draw and paint faces but not ones that accurately capture anyone’s likeness. Therefore, I shouldn’t really judge these items. But I’m going to. Sean Spicer baby made me laugh and judder in equal measure. While not my taste, some of these are actually really skillful. Had I the funds, I’d love a Norman Rockwell style painting of my brood. My favourite item in this selection, however, is Wilfred the dog’s portrait.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The Lego one reminds me of some pixelated art my friend Tim was experimenting with a while back. As for the rest: when they’re good, they’re very,very good and when they’re bad, they’re awful!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yeah, the Rockwell knock off is brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

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