Only on Etsy can you commission a pasta portrait.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
I am planning to commission a portrait from a photo, and Etsy has offered me a wide range of options. When I started looking, I realized that the vast majority were pretty good, with a few really spectacular stand outs, and a disappointingly small number of weird, uncomfortable, bizarre, WTF offerings. I was hoping to find more tragedies, but I instead found quite a few I really loved. You can get amazing portraits made in paint and pencil, in paper, clay, plaster, and wood, and even in felt. (That’s right, I admit it. I was moved by some of the felt portraits.)
I suspect that getting a good portrait is not just down to picking the right artist. You also need to select the right photo.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Perfection! By LaurynGreen
Bad business model: take someone’s kid’s slight imperfection and turn it into a feature.
This is just embarrassing. That lipstick color went out in the nineties.
That’s quite a bit of extrapolation, but I’d be thrilled if it were me! By the totally badass RadMoonRising
I would be soooo pissed.
I’ll bet these “royals” spend loads of time on their thrones.
My gift occasion is not a $5 thing, but this is so adorable, I’m really tempted. By SkyJohnsonStudio
The list of people I need made into unflattering puppets is practically endless…
This would be my profile picture for the rest of my life! By juliacalimera
Thinking you might be due for a spouse upgrade? Not sure it’s your kid?Then Etsy’s wide selection of (oddly appealing) faceless portraits are perfect for you!
And the award for most self aware goes to… “Badly Drawn Portrait” for $8.04.
Super cute, and perfect for that super tall family you know! By PeopleYouMayMeet
On a scale of 1 to dead, how hard would you laugh if you walked into someone’s house and spotted this portrait? (Yes, I know. It’s an exceptional painting. But the subject is clearly a total ponce.)
Um, what’s your return policy?
I need to get the posse together for one of these. So fantastic! By LeighWillArt
As I’m recovering from a bad cold, this makes me grateful that there aren’t any keepsakes of me with an inflamed nose.
I am totally blown away by the seemingly random colors and shapes in this ink portrait! By DomSellsPortraits
I have a question. Who wears tights on the beach?
Thank heaven it’s only his head that bobbles…
This artist is making one big mistake. SHE SHOULD BE CHARGING MORE. By the unbelievable AlchemistryOfArt
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My OBT 
March 29, 2018 at 8:53 am
Ummm I think instead of being flattered, I would be insulted by many of these and want my money back lol. ❤
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March 29, 2018 at 9:29 am
When they’re good they’re very very good, but when they’re bad…
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March 30, 2018 at 11:56 am
Haha SO very true! ❤
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March 29, 2018 at 9:37 am
Surely some of these were for fun. One of my artist friends does this. I will post her sight later for you.
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March 29, 2018 at 9:37 am
Fun! Thank you!
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March 29, 2018 at 10:37 am
Her name is Dina Kowal at http://www.dinakowalcreative.com
She is good. Her pet portraits are outstanding and looking through her site …so are her people portraits.
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March 29, 2018 at 10:43 am
Thanks!
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March 29, 2018 at 9:37 pm
I’ll never be unable to unsee the bobblehead! Thanks for the laughs.
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March 30, 2018 at 10:14 am
I love that thing!
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March 30, 2018 at 1:43 pm
Quite a range…of talent! I like this one, smacks of Bob Dylan, don’t you think? “And the award for most self aware goes to… “Badly Drawn Portrait”
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March 30, 2018 at 3:58 pm
Badly drawn portrait killed me
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