What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Clair de Lune


Mom & Dad, the day they adopted me

Tonight (tomorrow, by the time you read this), I am sharing something more personal than usual. Friday, I had to go for a test (which I have no reason to think will come out badly) that somehow got under my skin and knocked me off balance in ways in which I’m not accustomed. (That’s right, I’m mixing metaphors. Deal with it.)

It should be said that I went into this hour-long test positive, happy even. But twenty minutes in, I somehow lost my way. Before it started, the technician asked what kind of music I liked. My mind went blank, so I said classical, figuring everything else had the potential to annoy me. The music was mostly inaudible, but though I couldn’t really hear, I could think. It was just too much time without distraction, alone with my thoughts, in a featureless plastic tube. In spite of my initial positive outlook, I found myself worrying about the things we all have to worry about. Health. Age. Money. Retirement. Politics. Suddenly, when I had just about worked myself into a panic, the music, which I  could barely hear before, changed from some featureless Barber to a very clear, very audible version of Debussy’s Clair de Lune.

Let me tell you what this music means to me. First, it was Mom’s favorite. During her last days, I played her classical music 24/7. And every time Clair de Lune came on, even when she was no longer able to speak, she let out a happy sigh and smiled, something she had pretty much otherwise stopped doing. Second, after she was gone, Dad and I played it on a loop for days (seriously, I think we played it more than a hundred times) while we wrote responses to her hundreds of sympathy cards. Finally, Dad and I have said to each other for the last six years that whenever the song plays, it immediately brings Mom to mind.

So when Clair de Lune played at one of my darker hours, I immediately burst into tears (something you’re not supposed to do in an MRI). I felt like Mom popped in to let me know it would all be okay. I felt happy and sad and blessed and lonely and all the things, but the one thing I didn’t feel was worried. Thanks, Mom. You always could make me feel better.

Here’s a lovely version of the song that will make me cry (and comfort me) forever. F.Y.I., Dad and I agree that we both want it played at our funerals. Which hopefully will not be anytime soon.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

49 thoughts on “Clair de Lune

  1. Beautiful post–all the best to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just love you. Sending good vibes, and wishes for many moonlight kisses. Tell Beloved. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful, Donna. Much love to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such dreamy music. I picture myself dancing through the forest.
    Donna, Please let us know you are ok and if they gave you gadolinium(sp) please detox as soon as possible

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Such beautiful music to provide comfort. My thoughts are with you.
    In the spirit of sharing and in hopes that this will make you smile, I too adore Claire de Lune. My husband, a wonderful pianist, played it while I walked down the aisle at our wedding. The cascade at point 1:47 in the music is when the doors at the back of the church opened and we started down the aisle at point 1:57. As a result, the music always makes me cry too – with happy tears.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Music has that way of invoking so much emotion in us. Sending you so much love and hugs! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What a sweet family…sending hugs today.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. this brings back so many memories — it was dark but a star filled night and my sister and I had been sleeping in the back seat of my folks car, on the way home – a long drive, from a relatives house and this song came on the radio – it felt like I was still in a dream when I woke up, hearing this song while looking out the window at the stars in the sky. Every time I hear it, I think of that night and how vivid the stars were and have never been since.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Music has an incredible ability to reach into our memories and stir our souls. I think it may be because it is so often background ambience but we absorb it, osmosis-like, so that it becomes the soundtrack to important moments of our life. I too have some strong associations with Clair de Lune. The two pieces that particularly “assail” me each and every time I hear them, however, are ‘Vincent’ by Don McLean, which I love, and ‘Halo’ by Beyonce, which I don’t even like. The latter was the song that came on the car radio when I left the hospital having been told my baby son would be stillborn. Any time I hear the song, therefore, it propels me back to that moment and that long solo drive home. The former was one of my brother’s favourite songs and was, therefore, played at his funeral. It, therefore, always makes me think of specific memories of him and that makes me happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A sad and beautiful personal post. Hope your MRI turns out ok! Nice that you had that lovely music to accompany your experience, especially since it reminded you of your beautiful mom. Sorry for your loss of her; seems that both you and I were lucky to have had amazing mothers.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This is lovely, Donna. My mom pops by every now and then, too. It assures me that something is coming next for all of us, and that it’s gonna be good.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Simply beautiful— the post, the song and, of course, you! Thinking of you, dear friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. What a lovely sweet/sad story. I love the serendipity/synchronicity of the universe. Somehow the unfolding always seems to be just right.
    Alison xo

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Such love and truth in this. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Where to start? This post caught my attention in a few different ways: medical tests, death of a parent, memory music and the adoption of your daughter. I wanted to know more (sorry for being nosy) so for the first time I looked at your “about” page. I haven’t realised your posting was for therapeutic reasons. That last few days have been tough for me for so I think I will give it a try too. I like the honesty in this post. I like that I feel a bit more connected to you. There’s some sort of empathetic sadness at play here, though I don’t understand emotions really. Trying to find the words and failing. “My heart goes out to you”, perhaps. I hope you take the time to look after yourself (a bit much?). I do find the “sassy New Yorker” thing a bit intimidating though! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Our loved one’s are never out of our hearts….. For me that music makes me think of missing someone I loved, it had a special place in her heart and now mine…. Thanks for sharing, take care and God Bless….. Good Enough

    Liked by 1 person

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