Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

I grew up in a pearl-wearing family, in a pearl-wearing community. Ladies all wore them for every occasion, which is maybe why I took such a long, strong dislike to the things. It wasn’t until we went to Hawaii that I developed an appreciation for them. But though it took me many years to really love pearls, I am now a huge fan, especially of modern pearl settings. Etsy however, nearly put me off the things. And not only is much of the jewelry ugly, they also seem to stick pearls (and their cheap counterfeits) haphazardly to nearly every surface, regardless of how horrible they look, with sometimes unsettling results.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!