“Rave glasses.” Materials: metal jockstrap, cheap sunglasses, dog.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.Since the beginning, I have been a huge Project Runway fan, and my favorite episodes are always their unconventional materials challenges. And since the last season ended nearly a year ago, I thought I’d amuse myself while I wait with an exploration of what crazy/fantastic wearables Etsy had to offer. I was NOT disappointed!
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
“Future bikini.” Materials: birthday wrapping paper, Cylon fetish.
“Upcycled party dress.” Materials: musty fabric, tea, no social invitations. Ever.
“Upcycled mini.” Materials: soda can tabs, diabetes, entourage.
“Lady Death Headdress.” Materials: rhinestone skull, tulle, exquisite taste! By Mascherina
“Avant Garde Prom Dress.” Materials: florist’s tulle, dust mites, no-show date.
“Rainbow Fairy Gown.” Materials: Unicorns, pageant entry fees, birthday-cake-flavored vodka.
“Dance Wear.” Materials: Plastic seagull (see crotch), metal seahorse lawn decorations, too many comic books.
“Beautiful Blue Everything.” Materials: almost everything. Question: Why no doll heads?
“Social Media Fascinator.” Materials: glitter, hashtags, desperate need for attention.
“Couture Corset.” Materials: hot glue, silver paint, third-degree burns.
“Metal Fringe Dress.” Materials: metal discs, silk, post-modern flapper fabulousness! By SHOPMORPHEW
“Kiss My Dress.” Materials: petroleum products, butt implants, bad manners.
“Fashion-Forward Cutoffs.” Materials: jeans, plastic, unanswered questions.
“Birthday Gift for Sewer.” Materials: baseball cap, vintage tape measures, Project Runway obsession! By UpcyclingByMilo
“Fabulous XXL Headdress.” Materials: rivets, live chicken, bad thoughts.
“Dress For Any Season.” Materials: plastic, prop gravestone, scoliosis.
“Bohemian Coat.” Materials: wool, tapestry, loads of style! By Aistefashion
“Life of the Party Dress.” Materials: paper fringe, birthday banners, Party City store credit.
“Unisex Recycled Coat.” Materials: quilt, roadkill, this stuff.
“Rave Bra.” Materials: rubber, string, stuck jars.
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My OBT 
October 25, 2018 at 8:37 am
Some of these look unbelievably uncomfortable. Love the metal tab dress though!
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October 25, 2018 at 8:39 am
I kind of love it, too.
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October 25, 2018 at 8:52 am
I’m going to hit the like button in a moment because there isn’t an ‘aghast’ button. On the kiss-my…. is that a real butt or are the implants within the dress (god I hope so). I actually missed the boobs on the last one because of the head/face thing. The ‘life of the party’ brings to mind the conversation ‘do I look fat in this dress’/’yes, it doesn’t hide the extra 40lb’. “Why no dollheads?” ->> ROFL.
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October 25, 2018 at 10:12 am
Thank you! Very glad I made you reach for the ‘aghast’ button. That’s high praise (on Thursdays)
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October 25, 2018 at 8:54 am
As I stopped by the site before work, and the lengthy commute, I am now wondering how many similar looks I might see on my bus. Before you chortle and say no to yourself, I can assure you that is not the answer.
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October 25, 2018 at 10:13 am
Unless there are pictures, it didn’t happen…
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October 25, 2018 at 11:47 am
Your commentary is wonderful!
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October 25, 2018 at 12:06 pm
Thank you! I really had fun with this one.
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October 25, 2018 at 4:24 pm
It doesn’t look like the materials were very spendy but think about all the wasted effort that was invested in making so much of this twaddle. I do love the metal dress. It’s like elegant, swooshy chainmail. That would have been right up my street in my teens when I did my best to be intimidating towards teen boys. I also love that hat with the sparkling skull on it and admit that, for an instant, I wondered how much my brother would snarl at me if I wore it to his wedding as a groomsmaid. Maybe if it comes in pink to match the dresses I will get away with it. Another thought I had reading this post is why people pose in such grotesque positions. Why, Donna, why? I need answers!
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October 25, 2018 at 9:22 pm
Twaddle is such a satisfying word. I’ll bet the nice lady would make you the hat in pink. I would consider it.
I confess I always look for the most awkward picture of the twaddle. I feel like it adds to the ambiance. There’s nothing pisses me off like good photos of bad merchandise. Much less funny.
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October 25, 2018 at 9:31 pm
I bet you could write umpteen Etsomnia posts just about awkward poses.
I’m actually trying to convince my brother and his partner to go for a grey colour theme to match their kilts rather than pink. Our sisters, however, are pushing the pink. I think that hat would look better in grey. We’ll see which sister wins the battle.
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October 25, 2018 at 9:52 pm
How about pink and grey?
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October 25, 2018 at 10:03 pm
I suggested that too but they want us in the exact same dress. Exact. It’s an ordeal. I’m trying to pretend it isn’t happening for now since they aren’t getting hitched until 2020.
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October 25, 2018 at 10:14 pm
Hm. What about pink and grey on the same dress?
http://www.autoalivedress.com/pink-grey-chiffon-long-prom-dresses-bridesmaids-dress_pprdsku0754.html
Or a pinky-grey?
https://www.etsy.com/listing/215801702/grey-bridesmaid-dresssexy-bridesmaid
Or mostly grey?
http://www.jaksflowergirldresses.com/bd3198.htm
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October 25, 2018 at 10:18 pm
And anyway, look how good they look together!
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October 26, 2018 at 5:29 am
I agree. I have at least 18 months to convince the others.
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October 25, 2018 at 9:53 pm
By the way: https://myonebeautifulthing.com/2014/12/18/etsomnia-volume-xxi-hold-that-pose/
and: https://myonebeautifulthing.com/2016/12/01/etsomnia-hold-that-pose-2/
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October 25, 2018 at 10:02 pm
Perfect curation.
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October 25, 2018 at 10:14 pm
ha! i collect those pictures all year long.
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