Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

It’s shark week on the Discovery Channel, so it seemed fitting that we’d join in the fun. The timing is especially on the nosey because in NY, we’ve had more than a week of 90+ degree weather BUT WE CAN’T GO IN THE OCEAN BECAUSE SHARKS. Toothy bastards. How did they know?

Terrible dad-type shark jokes courtesy of the internet.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my Etsomnia™ posts!

What did the shark get on his science exam?
A Sea-minus!

Why did the Great White shark cross the Great Barrier Reef?
To get to the other tide!

What’s a shark’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.

What’s a shark’s favorite type of sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!

I would love to see a great white shark before I die. Just not RIGHT before I die.

What kind of fish performs operations on sick sharks?
A sturgeon!

What happens when you combine a cow and a shark?
I don’t know, but I’m not going to try milking it!

What happened when the shark got famous?
He became a starfish.

Where do country music loving sharks vacation?
In Gnashville!

Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?
You stop pretending.

And my favorite shark joke of all time:

Why do the Sharks live in the ocean and not in the sky?
Because the sky is Jets territory!