Etsomnia™ Volume XIV: Knit-Wits

October 30, 2014 by Donna from MyOBT 19 Comments

Very masculine dolphin sweater by AnnaLeshnikova. (Holy crap, is that a runway?)

Sir, go home and put on an undershirt, preferably over the “shark” cardigan. That thing’s hideous.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

New York sweater weather always inspires me to go hunting. No, not for animals, for the perfect knits! This year, I found some very, um, special items. Let the wool-related rashes and general knit discomfort begin!

As usual, I’ve linked to the items I liked. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

For the baby clown in your life. I see where she was going, but she overshot by a bit.

I would wear the hell out of this wonderful striped poncho by BonniesCinematheque, and I’d style it exactly like this!

Nightmarish “lagenlook” pinafore dress and vest. By a seller whose terrible bag lady clothing inspired this post.

When you search Etsy for “chunky sweater,” this happens. I assume this seller’s mother was an earthworm.

Love this stunning ombre cape-styled jacket by Texturable

Love this stunning ombre cape-styled cardigan by Texturable

Ponchos can go either way. This one went the wrong way. By BPenatzer

Ponchos can go either way. This one missed the mark by a mile. It looks like it should have 3-eyed fish caught in it.

This is almost too easy. Described as "quirky" and "upcycled," this dress appears to know how tragic it is. By TailorTrash, who may very well be aware how ugly these clothes are

Described as “quirky” and “upcycled,” this dress seems to be aware of how tragic it is.

There are those keywords again: Boho chic, upcycled, Lagenlook. These are, apparently, words to be avoided at all costs. Inoffensive jacket with pink crap hanging off it by JacketsByJahne

It’s like they took an inoffensive jacket, then stabbed it until its innards fell out.

It took me looking at this sweater for a while before I fully appreciated how great it is. Very complex and creative use of color and tone by ToBeStudio

It took me looking at this sweater for a while before I fully appreciated how great it is. Very complex and skilled use of color and tone by ToBeStudio.

Allegedly, no muppets were killed in the making of this god-awful poncho. And that’s all it has going for it. By a seller whose nutty/adorable poses may very well prove to be the inspiration for a future Etsomnia™. (Epilogue: it did!)

And speaking of Muppets . . .

By GoldenYarn, who couldn't even be bothered turning her mannequin's hand the right way 'round.

This seller couldn’t even be bothered turning her mannequin’s hand the right way ’round.

By DarrylBlack, favorite designer of crazy old man pigeon-feeders worldwide

“Upcycled” sweater and skirt. The next time you pass by a crazy-looking old man feeding pigeons, ask him where he got his skirt. I’ll bet you he says Etsy.