“Hippy Mixed Media Collage Art”
et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.
“If we could but paint with the hand what we see with the eye.” -Honore de Balzac
Art is, to be sure, in the eye of the beholder. That said, the art found on Etsy can be something of a challenge to the sensibilities.
When you browse the art section on Etsy, you are greeted with 19 categories, some which are weirdly specific. The categories are: sculptures, digital prints, screenprints, wall hangings, custom pet portraits, pen & ink drawings, nature photography, acrylic paintings, drawing & illustrations, landscape photography, wall sculptures, animal sculptures, hoop art, papercuttings, typography posters, animal photography (they are really into animals), black & white photography, surreal paintings, and abstract paintings. I don’t pretend to understand how they decided upon these categories, but there we are. I’ve included one offering from each category. Art or no, the wonderfully kooky items that follow are certainly not boring.
DISCLAIMER: I want to be clear. Though I do enjoy a good joke, and Etsomnia is one of my favorite things, my intention is never to discourage artists of any kind. These are the two cents of someone with loads of opinions but no credentials whatsoever. Please don’t ever take them as discouragement.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Category: Sculpture. Influence: Oogie Boogie, ugly handbags.
Subtext: Handy hiding place for severed head
Category: Digital prints. Inspiration: controlled substances, tiny dog, trippy wallpaper.
Subtext: I think I may have taken the brown acid
Category: screenprints. Inspiration: magnificent shoes, envy.
Subtext: Mmrrrrooowwwrrr!
Category: wall hangings. Inspiration: bad breakup, buttons.
Subtext: I made this in art therapy.
Category: custom pet portraits. Inspiration: late-night kung fu movies, late-night Taco Bell commercials.
Suggested title: Portrait of the Great Ancient Warrior, Princess Poopy Pants
Category: pen & ink drawings. Inspiration: very specific fetish.
Subtext: Let’s go make bumpsy in the trophy room.
Category: nature photography. Inspiration: good timing, voyeurism.
Suggested caption: Let’s go make bumpsy in the Queen’s trophy room.
Category: acrylic paintings. Inspiration: cats. Lots and lots of cats.
Subtext: Cats are God’s way of saying howdy
Category: drawing & illustrations. Inspiration: fish, disapproving mother in law.
Suggested caption: I told her she should have married the lawyer.
Category: landscape photography. Inspiration: car parts, druids.
Subtext: This is no place to be in a tornado.
Category: wall sculptures. Inspiration: Billy Jean King.
Subtext: Suck it, Bobby Riggs!
Category: animal sculptures. Inspiration: neutered dog.
Suggested title: Wishful thinking.
Category: hoop art. Inspiration: soul-sucking day job, flowers.
Subtext: Mondays, amirite?
Category: papercuttings. Inspiration: Salvatore Dali, very sharp scissors.
Suggested title: Gonna buy a Paper Dali I can call my own . . .
Category: typography posters. Inspiration: kitchen accessories, the eighties.
Suggested title: Whisk-y business
Category: animal photography. Inspiration: unwanted painting, x-acto knife, de-clawed cat.
Subtext: Don’t worry, Chester, P.E.T.A. is on its way.
Category: black & white photography. Inspiration: torpedoes, poor personal choices.
Suggested caption: Never-nude, 1950’s style
Category: surreal paintings. Inspiration: rainy day, small child, paint.
Suggested caption: Santa hula girl, Alexis, age 5
Category: abstract paintings. Inspiration: leftover house paint, the D.I.Y. channel.
Subtext: Can you believe it only took us 10 minutes!
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My OBT 
November 20, 2014 at 8:16 am
Animals (particularly canines resembling rodents) seem to feature heavily in the world of etsy art. My eyes are hurting.
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November 20, 2014 at 11:23 am
It does seem pretty chihuahua-heavy, doesn’t it?
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November 20, 2014 at 11:27 am
Yes. Chihuahuas and very uncomfortable-looking cats.
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November 20, 2014 at 11:28 am
Two things I find hilarious.
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November 20, 2014 at 11:28 am
Understandably!
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November 20, 2014 at 9:05 am
As someone who calls herself an artist – I have business cards and a gallery representing me to prove it – I must tell you that your disclaimer is a lie . . . you have serious credentials. Anyone who is clever as your posts reveal you to be and who is aware enough to know her words can move people and who cares enough to encourage and not discourage with those words has all the credentials necessary. Thanks for brilliant little gems in my inbox.
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November 20, 2014 at 11:25 am
That really means a great deal to me. I enjoy snark, but I’d be horrified if I ever discouraged a maker from doing what they do. Some of my best friends are artists! (She wrote, lamely.)
Thank YOU for your continued kindness and support.
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November 20, 2014 at 4:03 pm
Hahahaha! As usual, killing me with your captions. And I am SOOOO buying that needlepoint for my sucky day job.
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November 20, 2014 at 4:13 pm
Excellent, and thank you!
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November 21, 2014 at 3:21 pm
I love Honore de Balzac’s quote, it truly sums it up and opens the door to so many “varieties”! LOL
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November 21, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Wonder what Balzac would have thought of Etsy!
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November 22, 2014 at 8:35 pm
Speechless!!
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