Etsomnia™ Volume XXXV: The Gestation Boogie

April 2, 2015 by Donna from One Beautiful Thing 28 Comments

Not for the overly sensitive knocked up ladies. By UnhingedDesigns

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

We’re having a baby! Well, okay, we’re not having a baby. But a couple in our inner circle is imminently expecting, and so it’s time for an Etsomnia post is about all things maternity. I was going to split the post between maternity merch and baby junk, but then I realized there was so much lunacy on the pregnancy side, it needed its own post.

This one’s for you, N!

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etso”mnia™ posts.

Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure when I got knocked up, I was fairly tipsy. By TorsoSheath

I know people get crazy with the gender stuff way too early, but this is ridiculous. By SparklesButterflies

I know people get crazy with the gender stuff way too early, sticking flowers to their newborn’s soft little heads, dressing little girls in so much pink and ruffles they look like meringues, but this is ridiculous.

Brilliant. By MamagamaWorld

One of the millions of reasons I (usually) hate baby showers is the games. Here's a prime example of why. By PinTheSpermOnTheEgg

Here’s a prime example of what’s wrong with typical baby showers.

Maternity tutu, because if there's one thing very pregnant women want to do, it's ballet. By TrendyLittleCreation

Maternity tutu, because if there’s one thing very pregnant women are known for, it’s ballet.

It's kind of cute, but it still bums me out. Why would you want a special maternity coffee cup when you can't have caffeine? By WoodStockIn

It’s kind of cute, but it still bums me out. Why would you want a special maternity coffee cup when you aren’t allowed to have caffeine?

Maternity cocktail dress. Not only can't you drink, now you have to dress up as your great-grandmother's sofa? By ForBride

Maternity cocktail dress. So not only can’t you drink, now you have to wear something that looks like your great-grandmother’s kitchen wallpaper? I call foul.

Baby girl sperm pregnancy announcement. I kid you not. (Did you see what I did there?)

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Here’s a superhero uterus!

“Do It Yourself Placenta Encapsulation Kit” including such useful items as an Umbilical Cord Keepsake, Placenta Recovery Broth, and a kit to make your own Placenta Prints. Blerg.

I'm not 100% convinced this is a rattle. Seems more like it belongs in this post. By TurningTheCorners

Wooden rattle, allegedly. Seems more like it belongs in this post.

Now THATs a maternity cocktail dress! By LaRobeBleue

Now THAT’s a maternity cocktail dress I can endorse! By LaRobeBleue

Is the worst thing about pregnancy the back pain? The constant need to pee? Pregnancy brain? Nope. It’s these.

"After Birth Belly Balm." Okay, but did they really have to call it "after birth?" By ChasingClouds

“After Birth Belly Balm.” Okay, fine, but did they really have to call it “after birth?”

As usual, I wanted to finish up this Etsomnia with a bang. You may look at this meh item and this it's no big deal, but this time, it's not about the item. It's about the seller. "It's a girl" wreath by SNOOKI. Yes, THAT Snooki. (Her Etsy store is called NicolesCraftRoom.) You're welcome.

You may look at this thing and think “meh,” but it’s not about the item. It’s about the maker. “It’s a girl” wreath by SNOOKI. Yes, THAT Snooki, and she’s every bit as talented as she seems on television. (Her Etsy store is called NicolesCraftRoom.) You’re welcome.