Etsomnia™ 109: Crooked

September 29, 2016 by Donna from MyOBT 22 Comments

Elephant Man party of one, your table is ready.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

I was looking for an asymmetrical jacket (because they’re easy to take in) for work on Etsy last week (B.T.W., I found exactly what I wanted in my favorite Etsy designer’s shop, as usual!). While I was looking, some of the things that turned up went way beyond asymmetry. I really enjoy asymmetrical clothing when it’s clear that it’s deliberate. However, many of the items that appeared on my search ranged from crooked to tortured to just plain wrong.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

I have enough problems without a cardigan that makes me look like I have a hump.

I don't think I could pull it off, but isn't this fabulous? By AfricaApparel

I do not have the figure for the crop-top elements of this piece, but isn’t it fabulous? By AfricaApparel

Molly Ringwald just knew this year’s red carpet dress was going to be a hit. But then there she was, right at the top of Worst Dressed List. Again. Maybe it was finally time to stop making her gowns from old prom dresses.

I think in this case, the asymmetry might be with the wearer rather than the clothing.

I think in this case, the asymmetry might be more the wearer than the clothing.

Kludge, not just for computers anymore.

If this is what the apocalypse is going to look like, then bring it on! By MariaQueenMaria

If this is what the apocalypse is going to look like, I’m in! By MariaQueenMaria

Prince could absolutely have carried this off, but I assume he would have worn it without the chicken stuffed in the neck.

Look! It’s the famous vampire Nosferatutu!

This week on Hoarders; A woman who makes clothing out of her used tissues.

This week on Hoarders – people who wear clothing made of used tissues.

Nailed it.

Now, that’s a fun new use for moving blankets!

Very dramatic, but so delish! By ShaveliDesign

When you ask a girl to a family wedding and she shows up wearing the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree skirt sporting Sweeney Todd hair…

Symmetry is the least of this thing’s problems.

Looks like somebody may have doubled up on her meds this morning!

I can’t decide whether she’s a little teapot or a little crackpot.

The description calls this futuristic.

Nuvaring; you’re doing it wrong. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure that like Nuvaring, this thing also prevents pregnancy.

Ladylike and adorable! By ExlibrisClothing

I would recommend a bleach-and-baking-soda soak, followed by a thorough dousing in lighter fluid. Then just add a light match, and voilà, problem solved!

This is a clear case of the blind sewing for the blind.

Anyone else think that's a dead bird embroidered on that tragic skirt?

Anyone else see a dead bird embroidered on that tragic skirt?

This was so very special, I needed you to see it from all sides. I’m honestly starting to think people are making this junk just so I’ll have something to talk about. Nobody could make this seriously, right?