You know it’s time to lay off the smoke when even your pipe starts to look stoned.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
Over the years, some of the creepiest, weirdest, most disturbing, most confusing things I’ve found on Etsy have featured monkeys. But I’ve also noticed that some of the more creative, haunting, clever items have been monkey-centric, too. You just never know what you’re going to find!
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Banksy at his wacky best. Wall decal by ArtIdeaDecal
Banana scented, I’m assuming. By XplosiveCosmetiX
Not meant to be retro, but it takes me back, nonetheless.
Balloon garland kit. How did I not know this was a thing? By AllEventsPrints
Aggressively ugly business card holder. And yes, I’ve confirmed that’s his tail.
I understand a grandma made it, but it looks less like a monkey than like a wall-eyed pig with dysplasia.
I really dig the design, but I can’t help feeling like he’s judging me. By SHAMEcover
That’s a bit obvious, don’t you think?
According to the description, this is a monkey. I assume it was carved by someone who’d never seen a monkey.
This is a camera buddy, meant to put children you are photographing at ease. What a great idea! By PhoxiTog
Horrifying sawed-off monkey plant hanger.
It was then that it dawned on Nigel. This was his circus. And unfortunately, those were his damned monkeys.
Sometimes, a banana is just… well, you get the idea.
Love! Want! Need! By Greenbananacards
“Machismo Monkey necklace.” Alright, sir.
“Monkey butt felted soap.” Blerg.
Astoundingly awesome one-of-a-kind 1920 Lone Star Beer Co. mechanical monkey. Sold by BarrottiStudio
W the actual F?
I’m just going to leave this here…
It didn’t seem kind to let that sweater be the last thing you saw from me today, so here is an absolutely magnificent piece of art by WinterbourneWorkshop. Feel better now? By the way, the seller wanted me to let you know that they are having a 15% off sale today. Sale ends at midnight New York time on November 1, 2018.
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My OBT 
November 1, 2018 at 9:39 am
How much time do you spend looking all of this up. My goodness. The last one is good except for the eyes. That I would change…to what I’m not sure
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November 1, 2018 at 10:05 am
The answer is way too much time. But it’s fun and relaxes me, so I keep doing it!
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November 1, 2018 at 10:43 am
And we enjoy it . Thanks.
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November 1, 2018 at 11:39 am
That makes me happy!
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November 1, 2018 at 1:23 pm
The steampunk gorilla lamp is fantastic and, I cannot tell a lie, my movie nerd 13 year old would love that chilled monkey brains prop. Do I even want to google what the heck “felted soap” is? In my mind’s disgusted eye, it’s a mashup of old soap slivers and pubic hair. The coconut monkey head reminded me strongly of my Granddad who had at least three carved coconut monkeys in his house. They had cavities in their bellies but I cannot recollect them serving a purpose other than to freak me out. I think one was wearing spectacles.
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November 1, 2018 at 2:45 pm
Your Granddad’s Coconuts sounds like a pretty good band name. I love your summary of felted soap. My feelings are the same!
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November 1, 2018 at 3:54 pm
Ha ha! Decent band name and awful euphemism.
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November 1, 2018 at 7:29 pm
Yessss!
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November 5, 2018 at 12:51 pm
W the actual F, indeed… it wasn’t fun to look at in Indiana Jones (insert green-faced pukey-emoji HERE) The Banksy thing is awesome 🙂
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