Etsomnia™ 110: Hell’s Kitchen

October 6, 2016 by Donna from MyOBT 45 Comments

This is a kitchen angel dish towel. She's meant to keep your kitchen safe, presumably from people with taste.

This is a kitchen angel dish towel. She’s meant to keep your kitchen safe, presumably by warding off people with taste.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Poking around Pinterest (as I do), I came across this glorious idea and realized I hadn’t spent much Etsomnia™ time in the kitchen.

Some of the kitchen items I found were absolute genius, some were boldly stylish, some were incredibly useful, and then, there were the more unusual items. The odd, the awkward, the derpy, the unfortunate, the just plain ugly, and many items that should never be allowed anywhere near food. I even found the world’s first demonic tea cozy. And at every turn, pugs. Lots and lots and lots of pugs.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

Hat pin? Nope. Stick pin? Give up? It's a cake tester.

Hat pin? Nope. Stick pin? Nuh-uh. Bookmark? No, sir. Give up? It’s a cake tester.

Equal parts fascinating and terrifying, this egg cup definitely makes a statement. I don't think I could live with it, but I kind of respect it anyway.

Equal parts fascinating and terrifying, this egg cup definitely makes a statement. While I don’t think I could live with it, I do give it props for the pedicure. By the same maker as this disturbing/amazing thing.

Absolutely genius gift for a painter! By MugBrosMugs.

What do you get when you paint a bread box in the traditional gingerbread-woman-vomiting-a-meringue pattern? Sadness. You get sadness.

Some of my favorite things about autumn: scarves and boots and tiny hats for my eggs. Wait, what?

You could decorate an entire kitchen around this gorgeous solid walnut spice cabinet. By RobertTyward.

As a serving platter, it's total crap, but I am entertained by the disappointed cat.

Serving tray cat isn’t angry. He’s disappointed.

I don’t know why I need them, but I clearly do! By VandaValerie. Oh, and I need these, too.

"Upcycled" necktie table runner. There are so many beautiful neckties out there. These are none of them.

Recycled necktie table runner. There are so many beautiful neckties out there. Where were they when this thing was being cobbled together?

Cat butt coasters. Let me say that again. Cat. Butt. Coasters. Unacceptable.

Does your toaster look too much like, well, like a toaster? Why not make it look racist instead?

Does your toaster look too much like, well, like a toaster? Why not make it look like a racist toaster instead?

Absolutely stellar lazy susan. By Foodiebords.

No, thanks. I don't want any candy. I'm watching my figure.

No, thanks. I don’t want any candy. I just this minute went on a diet. Possibly permanently.

It will come as no surprise that I love my wine. However, even I would be put off the stuff if forced to drink it out of these derp glasses.

It will come as no surprise that I love my wine. However, even I would be put off the stuff if forced to drink it out of these derpish glasses.

This is a bacon flipper. Is that really a task that needs its own tool?

Yes, it looks like something off of a dentist’s tray, but this is apparently a bacon flipper. Is that really a task that needs its own tool?

They may not make great pot holders, but The Irritated Owl sounds like an awesome Irish pub, doesn’t it?

This could almost make me want to dry the dishes! By FBombCrossStitch.

I know a LOT of people who are going to be getting this for Christmas! By FBombCrossStitch.

Alcohol abuse, pure and simple.

Rabid dog coffee sleeve. Because Etsy.

Sure, maybe your tea cozy has creepy flowers, or more damned pugs, or eye stalks. But does it have someone meeting a bad end in a washing machine?