My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 110: Hell’s Kitchen

45 Comments

This is a kitchen angel dish towel. She's meant to keep your kitchen safe, presumably from people with taste.

This is a kitchen angel dish towel. She’s meant to keep your kitchen safe, presumably by warding off people with taste.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Poking around Pinterest (as I do), I came across this glorious idea and realized I hadn’t spent much Etsomnia™ time in the kitchen.

Some of the kitchen items I found were absolute genius, some were boldly stylish, some were incredibly useful, and then, there were the more unusual items. The odd, the awkward, the derpy, the unfortunate, the just plain ugly, and many items that should never be allowed anywhere near food. I even found the world’s first demonic tea cozy. And at every turn, pugs. Lots and lots and lots of pugs.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

Hat pin? Nope. Stick pin? Give up? It's a cake tester.

Hat pin? Nope. Stick pin? Nuh-uh. Bookmark? No, sir. Give up? It’s a cake tester.

Equal parts fascinating and terrifying, this egg cup definitely makes a statement. I don't think I could live with it, but I kind of respect it anyway.

Equal parts fascinating and terrifying, this egg cup definitely makes a statement. While I don’t think I could live with it, I do give it props for the pedicure. By the same maker as this disturbing/amazing thing.

Absolutely genius gift for a painter! By MugBrosMugs.

Absolutely genius gift for a painter! By MugBrosMugs.

What do you get when you paint a bread box in the traditional gingerbread-woman-vomiting-a-meringue pattern? Sadness. You get sadness.

Some of my favorite things about autumn: scarves, and boots, and tiny hats for my eggs. Wait, what?

Some of my favorite things about autumn: scarves and boots and tiny hats for my eggs. Wait, what?

You could decorate an entire kitchen around this gorgeous solid walnut spice cabinet. By RobertTyward.

You could decorate an entire kitchen around this gorgeous solid walnut spice cabinet. By RobertTyward.

As a serving platter, it's total crap, but I am entertained by the disappointed cat.

Serving tray cat isn’t angry. He’s disappointed.

Yes, please! By VandaValerie.

I don’t know why I need them, but I clearly do! By VandaValerie. Oh, and I need these, too.

"Upcycled" necktie table runner. There are so many beautiful neckties out there. These are none of them.

Recycled necktie table runner. There are so many beautiful neckties out there. Where were they when this thing was being cobbled together?

Cat butt coasters. Let me say that again. Cat. Butt. Coasters. Unacceptable.

Cat butt coasters. Let me say that again. Cat. Butt. Coasters. Unacceptable.

Does your toaster look too much like, well, like a toaster? Why not make it look racist instead?

Does your toaster look too much like, well, like a toaster? Why not make it look like a racist toaster instead?

Absolutely stellar lazy susan. By Foodiebords.

Absolutely stellar lazy susan. By Foodiebords.

No, thanks. I don't want any candy. I'm watching my figure.

No, thanks. I don’t want any candy. I just this minute went on a diet. Possibly permanently.

It will come as no surprise that I love my wine. However, even I would be put off the stuff if forced to drink it out of these derp glasses.

It will come as no surprise that I love my wine. However, even I would be put off the stuff if forced to drink it out of these derpish glasses.

This is a bacon flipper. Is that really a task that needs its own tool?

Yes, it looks like something off of a dentist’s tray, but this is apparently a bacon flipper. Is that really a task that needs its own tool?

They may not make great pot holders, but The Irritated Owl sounds like an awesome Irish pub, doesn’t it?

This could almost make me want to dry the dishes! By FBombCrossStitch.

I know a LOT of people who are going to be getting this for Christmas! By FBombCrossStitch.

Alcohol abuse, pure and simple.

Alcohol abuse, pure and simple.

Rabid dog coffee sleeve. Because Etsy.

Rabid dog coffee sleeve. Because Etsy.

Sure, maybe your tea cozy has creepy flowers, or  more damned pugs, or eye stalks. But does it have someone meeting a bad end in a washing machine?

Poor dear. Blink once if you need help ...

Reader caption time! 

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

45 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 110: Hell’s Kitchen

  1. I love the coffee mugs that say water, not water and those chicken beak things. I don’t want that candy either! I am not sure what to say about some of the others. It is really hard to get seen and sell on etsy and I wonder sometimes if these products really sell? If so, I gotta change my game plan.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Are those plastic deer on the green beer cozies? I just noticed that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Now I Must.Have. stocking caps for my eggs. And the little egg stand certainly brings a new vision of the chicken and the egg. (That egg needs a stocking cap.)

    The camo cozies….disturbing on many levels. I guess just what every Bubba needs when he goes hunting and forgets what he was there for.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. When a hunter needs a beer.
    Donna, you know I love Etsomnia! I may make and list something totally off the wall sometime just to see if 1) it sells and/or 2) it makes it to Etsomnia!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I always read Etsomina trying to decide which the worst item is in your selection for that week. This week the vagina candy dish was winning but then the racist toaster cosy turned up and its utter heinousness stole the prize. Most deservedly. Holy shit! I mean, why is Etsy even permitting that to be sold?

    My caption is: “It was then that Bambi realised that witnessing the murder of his mother was no longer the worst thing to happen to him.”

    Liked by 3 people

  6. What the fuck is going on in the kitchen these days???? I can’t even pick one. (Also, Laura, I look forward to your comments with great glee (notwithstanding the fact that today’s are more serious.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know what you mean, though truth be told, I did have to wade through a lot of perfectly reasonable stuff to find these awful gems.

      Laura, meet Diane (conference friend)! Diane, meet Laura (blog friend)!

      Like

  7. Caption: I’ll be a deer and keep your beer warm.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I agree on you about most of your “finds” but I really think you should reconsider the Catt Butt Coasterz. Really, they put their butts all over the place, why can’t we at least sit a sloppy glass of beer on theirs???

    I think the Winter Beer Cozies are fun too, I mean it is awful to stand inside watching the snow outside, while drinking an ice cold beer and getting your hands cold. ~~dru~~

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I like the details you discover and the idea of looking for one beautiful thing daily. Smiles, Robin

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hilarious!!! Hope none of my stuff ends up here!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I love the concept of Etsomnia! I wonder how many people suffer from this condition and where to find them… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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