That’s one helluva pre-existing condition.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
All of my Etsomnia™ posts include weird, inexplicable Etsy merchandise, but this week, we are plumbing the depths. Today, I’m bringing you the worst of what I’ve found recently. Items so disturbing, so bizarre, so stomach-turning, they defy explanation (plus a few unexpected items I actually think are pretty great, in spite of their deep quirkiness).
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
From the e-book “Colonoscopy Prep For Fun and Profit“
I find this sculpture by ARTIFACTSGLASS to be equal parts odd and lovely.
Dead rabbit keychains, now with more intestines!
Disembodied doll leg necklace, because Etsy.
Pocket Boobs is an OK name, but I think I would have called them Travel Tits. Or maybe Globes on the Go.
This planter really needs a trailing vine, preferably one that covers it completely.
I had no idea that the M in S&M stood for mouse.
Hat for two, 1st place winner in the codependency finals.
“Bear.” If you put it outside among the trees, it would be bear shit in the woods.
If I were designing a woman cave, this Rocky Horror animated mouth would be front and center! By StarliteAmusements
This is a gown made of Barbie clothes. It’s a little revealing, but with the right undergarment…
When Betsy’s parents gave her the pony, they neglected to ask what she wanted it for.
Before wearing this bracelet, you might want to consider applying a few Crest Whitestrips…
The absolute pinnacle of 6th grade humor. I’m tempted to give it to every teacher I know. By QuoteWorthyIowa
Steve Buscemi pillow. Sweet dreams…
Perhaps the weirdest ‘fridge magnet of all time. I kind of want one. By KidDoucheMagnets
Blobfish scarf, only on Etsy. I hope.
Hilarious felted mermaid that I can’t live without. By 5erg
I’ll bet you never guess what this is…
Since we have so many new readers, I thought it might be fun to bring back the reader caption feature. Write your best caption in the comments section below!
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My OBT 
May 18, 2017 at 6:21 am
Holy crap! Who knew!?! Okie dokey you get the prize for WTF finds!!! Seriously!!! That some crazy stuff and cracking up on the magnet and my daughter would love it too! Will think on the caption but maybe “don’t smoke – this is what you’ll turn into”
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May 18, 2017 at 6:27 am
That is good advice!
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May 18, 2017 at 8:07 am
“I’m watching you.”
Seriously, I keep thinking that cigarette is in his nose. I know it’s not, but I keep seeing that.
I have no words for the rest.
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May 18, 2017 at 9:00 am
It looked like that to me, too.
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May 18, 2017 at 8:42 am
I think the artist that made that planter lives where I do (Mesilla, NM). I have several of her pieces–most at just baby head planters. I have to say I am digging the baby head on dog body you posted……but I am odd. I know this.
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May 18, 2017 at 9:00 am
I like that about you!
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May 18, 2017 at 10:27 am
You know, I always try to enter the caption contest, but my head exploded somewhere around the girl with the horse head.
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May 18, 2017 at 11:31 am
Yep. This one was a real trial.
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May 18, 2017 at 11:43 am
Oh boy. I don’t know what else to say. Thank you again for finding these treasures…
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May 18, 2017 at 12:54 pm
Um… you’re welcome?
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May 18, 2017 at 11:52 am
Oh my! Just, Ohhh Myyyy! These are fantastic! Honestly, I don’t know how you find these things but I’m glad you have this talent. 🙂
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May 18, 2017 at 12:54 pm
And I’m grateful that you were kind enough to characterize it as a talent!
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May 18, 2017 at 1:02 pm
I search Etsy all the time and I never find anything as unique (sometimes wonderfully beautiful and sometimes wonderfully bizarre) as you do. It’s most assuredly a talent!
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May 18, 2017 at 12:07 pm
I actually have a caption but it’s pretty vulgar. Maybe I’ll text it to you.
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May 18, 2017 at 12:55 pm
You’re the best!
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May 18, 2017 at 12:35 pm
“I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU”
~~dru~~
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May 18, 2017 at 12:56 pm
That made me laugh/cough!
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May 18, 2017 at 4:47 pm
You have outdone yourself, dear Donna. That “preexisting condition” one is truly vile. The S&M taxidermy is utterly hilarious. I actually like the wit of it. There is, of course, no way I would wish to own it but I still appreciate that it made me laugh out loud. I actually found that this week’s exhibits either made me wince or chortle. There was no in between. Horrific or hilarious. That was the binary. One of my kids said he would like the blobfish scarf and then chuckled and then we both laughed at felted mermaid’s saggy merboobs. I have to confess that the roadkill bunny was entirely reminiscent of an art journal page I created (https://pictinpa.wordpress.com/2016/03/15/trust-your-zombie-pig-gut/) so clearly if I had made it into a felted brooch I could have embarked on an Etsy career.
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May 18, 2017 at 5:53 pm
Glad you enjoyed it! (Is enjoyed the right word?) Anyway, I can’t think of a single thing that could be keeping you from an Etsy career. I would pay good money for whatever you made.
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May 18, 2017 at 6:19 pm
You are very kind.
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May 18, 2017 at 8:26 pm
Oh, dear Donna! Honey, I think you forgot that the B in OBT stands for Beautiful, not Bad! 😉 Hahaha! This was one truly frightful set–would be perfect at Halloween. The S&M mice thing is cute…in its own…way. O_o.
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May 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm
I realize I may have gone too far this time…. Sorry/not sorry?
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May 19, 2017 at 2:37 am
the mouse in S&M description was hilarious hahhaa
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May 19, 2017 at 12:30 pm
Thank you!
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May 19, 2017 at 3:32 am
“How to knit wooly hats, that suit everybody”
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May 19, 2017 at 12:30 pm
Very good!
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May 19, 2017 at 7:53 am
“The next chapter of Star Wars gets kind of edgy.”
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May 19, 2017 at 12:31 pm
Hahaha!
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May 19, 2017 at 10:47 am
Where to begin? In a million years I would never have guessed what the cookie cutter was really supposed to be…and that was the tamest thing there!
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May 19, 2017 at 12:32 pm
The cookie cutter is what started it all, then things really went off the rails.
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September 11, 2017 at 10:24 am
. Honey, I retrieve you forgot that the B in OBT stands for beautiful, not Bad!
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September 11, 2017 at 10:26 am
Ha!
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