
Would I wear it? Yes! But only when I’m home alone, because on me, it would look like this. By LOMstore
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
Confession time. You know how I spend inordinate amounts of time looking for Etsy’s nuttiest offerings? Well, this week, I have a confession to make. Today, I’m sharing with you my delusions of Gaga. I’m taking you on a tour of some of the many ridiculous things I can’t use, would never wear, in most cases could never wear, but nonetheless hopelessly adore. Maybe it’s the influence of my latest spirit animal, but if I had deeper pockets (and thinner everything else), every last one of these dramatic, amazing pieces would be mine. Be prepared to be confused. I know I am.
Instead of my usual judgy, snarky self, this week, I’m giving you pure, nutty, avant garde joy.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

I always swore that I’d never attempt the drop-crotch thing, but these are so beautifully tailored, I may not be able to resist! By MyStyleM

No, I don’t understand it, but I wish I could look like that in it. And it looks very absorbent. By FISHKUANGDesign

When I start to let out my inner Gaga, Bestie manages to stuff it back in. Everyone should have a bestie like that. One more thing I’m not allowed to wear by DeadDollsShop

Another glorious design by Marcellamoda, who was also responsible for the gorgeous tank from last week.

Yes, I know I’d never wear it, but oh, how I love it! By Doroteyya

How I wish I could pull this off. If I had a slim neck and her strong jawline, I’d be all over it! By HaremRoyal

I’m a little obsessed with this architectural winter coat by MariaQueenMaria

Love the look of this cropped top. And the fact that you’d likely poke out the eyes of anyone who got too close is a great bonus. By BIRDSKINAU

Why-oh-why don’t I have a life where I can wear this glorious thing? Will someone please invite me to a royal wedding already? By ArturoRios

Amazing, and she’s wearing the hell out of it! By Metamorphoza

Stunning, but long statement necklaces are not for chesty girls like me. By ZoraDesign

I have a total crush on this, but if I tried it, I’m pretty sure this would be the result. By one of my faves, AliceCorsets

Way too cool for me, but a girl can dream! By EUGfashion

I NEED THIS HAT!!! (Called over shoulder while running away from Bestie.) By Livfreecreations
June 8, 2017 at 7:11 am
Well you certainly came up with some entertaining ideas! I would love to try to walk down the streets of Houston in any of these outfits and film other people’s faces!!! Although the drop crotch pants actually look nice, I couldn’t pull off that look ever!!! But looking like these ladies – THEY can definately pull off any look I think!
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June 8, 2017 at 8:05 am
They sure can! Maybe there’s safety in numbers. If we formed a fabulously-dressed army, maybe we’d gain a little confidence!
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June 8, 2017 at 8:08 am
I like it!!!
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June 8, 2017 at 9:05 am
And I think Austin is just the location, too!
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June 8, 2017 at 8:09 am
The hat is pretty cool
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June 8, 2017 at 9:05 am
Isn’t it fantastic?
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June 8, 2017 at 8:58 am
Love!! ❤️
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June 8, 2017 at 9:06 am
I’m glad! Me, too!
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June 8, 2017 at 9:42 am
I love when you have this sleep disorder…I look forward to your discoveries each week! Enjoyed the eye-poking top!
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June 8, 2017 at 11:03 am
I so want to go dancing in that one!
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June 8, 2017 at 9:45 am
Oooooooh! I want one of each, and three of each of the hats (Except the last one, because that’s yours. Go get it!) Truly, I love all of these. Renewed faith in Etsy (well, until next week…….)
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June 8, 2017 at 11:04 am
I know I poke a lot of fun at Etsy (I consider myself to be the Etsy bogey man), but it’s still the first place I go when I need something creative, and I always find what I want!
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June 8, 2017 at 12:01 pm
The feather choker is perfect for an Evil Queen look–every woman needs an outfit that says “Don’t mess with me!” The beautiful white rose fascinator made me think of Ascot Races scene from “My Fair Lady.” If my neck could handle the weight, I’d consider wearing it. The hot pink jacket you opened with made me immediately think of the public transport vehicle known as a “jeepney” in the Philippines. Good memory. The exposed corset shot was educational for me; I’d always wondered how women back in the day managed to get that wide -hip look. Now I know! The cream-colored blouse (sans the black long-statement necklace) is the most appealing to me as something I would actually wear without having to channel my inner Lady Gaga. These are definitely “go big or go home” statement clothes; as much art as they are apparel.
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June 8, 2017 at 12:18 pm
That’s exactly right. Go big or go home should have been the title!
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June 8, 2017 at 12:19 pm
OMG I “need” that feather choker now!
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June 8, 2017 at 2:02 pm
Isn’t it fantastic? But I learned this morning that the seller has been removed from Etsy. Argh!
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June 8, 2017 at 3:26 pm
I sure my husband will be relieved…
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June 8, 2017 at 3:36 pm
Ha!
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June 8, 2017 at 2:32 pm
I am with you – if I had full coffers and a much smaller arse, I would love to wear more avant garde clothes. I am more of a shrinking violet type so I would still steer clear of the more theatrical pieces but I love that winter coat and the final skirt and would certainly wear those.
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June 8, 2017 at 3:35 pm
So tempted by those crazy hats, though!
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June 8, 2017 at 3:48 pm
I have a man sized head. There. I’ve confessed it online. I come from a family of big bonced people. I, therefore, rarely find women’s hats that fit me. I tend to wear men’s hats if I can find one of those that fits. I, therefore, find my eyes are drawn to pretty lady hats but I would never consider buying them.
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June 8, 2017 at 8:27 pm
Well, if you had one custom made, then it would fit your big bonce! (And now, in my head, plays this scene:
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June 8, 2017 at 8:36 pm
Ha ha! And those Scottish accents are so bad.
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June 9, 2017 at 12:04 am
And yet hilarious!
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June 8, 2017 at 3:49 pm
Thank you for featuring my ‘Cygnus’ headdress! ❤ http://www.etsy.com/shop/livfreecreations
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June 8, 2017 at 8:27 pm
You’re very welcome! I’m hopelessly in love!
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June 9, 2017 at 7:56 am
I agree Austin would probably be a better setting than Houston for playing dress-up (something I strongly approve of)l. But this weekend is the ROT Rally, billed as “the largest turnstile motorcycle rally in the US.” http://www.rotrally.com/ What you wear isn’t the problem, the bikers are generally nice, but holy cow the noise drives me crazy. I stay home as much as possible for this one.
Well, I stay home as much as possible for all of them but that’s just me.
For years the RoT Rally and the Pride Festival (everything in Austin is a festival) were the same weekend, which was particularly good people watching but they moved Pride Fest to August. Not sure the whole story there.
Anyway, your post has inspired me again and I’m off to look up millinery schools.
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June 9, 2017 at 9:55 am
Yay, Sherry! I say we all convene on Sherry’s house and play dress-up!
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June 9, 2017 at 1:01 pm
You know you are welcome any time. Hats line my halls and feathers decorate my living room.
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June 9, 2017 at 1:56 pm
Sounds like heaven!
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June 14, 2017 at 8:53 am
Love this. Sign me up for everything you’ve shown in black. Not to mention ALL hats.
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June 14, 2017 at 10:36 am
Nice to meet a kindred spirit!
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