Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

The holidays are the only time of year when I look forward to opening the mail. My people are creative and funny and have great taste, so the majority of the holiday cards we receive make me ooh and aah and hahaha. And I enjoy sending them as much as I do receiving them. I usually take at least a few weeks to plan and search for just the right thing. And sometimes, I even get ambitious and make my own. I write the cards, and Beloved addresses the envelopes. We have a list of about 100 households that get the first wave, then we end up sending out about 20 or so retaliatory cards (A card from my first grade teacher? How did she even get my address?). However, Beloved and I discussed it, and we’re giving it a miss this year. We’re still not home, and I left my holiday card list in the house thinking we’d be home (“5 months” they said. “You’ll be home by August,” they said.). It’s just too much to manage between the teensy apartment and our ridiculous schedule. This decision filled me with equal parts relief and guilt. So in lieu of sending cards, I thought I’d instead show you some of the hysterical offerings available on Etsy!

No criticism this week. I found so many wonderful things, it’s all just hilarious cards by clever makers. Take it away, funny people!

WARNING: this post is full of irreverent (read: sacrilegious) humor and bad words. If that’s not your thing, go read this instead.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!