Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

I think Valentine’s Day is kind of bullshit. Of course, I can say that because I’m fortunate enough to spend my life with my Beloved, who makes me laugh and feel happy and safe, and all the good feelings. But still, I mostly associate V-Day with vapid, empty sentiments. That said, I really love most funny Valentine’s Day cards. Sure, some of them are in bad taste, some go too far (or way too far), and some don’t go far enough, but mostly, I think they’re extra funny. And Etsy is absolutely bursting with rude, unexpected, creative cards. And yes, I realize this post seems a bit premature, but if you, like me, want to purchase some of these wonderful cards, you’ll need to allow for shipping time!

By the way, today’s post is a bit on the adult side, so if profanity and graphic sexual references aren’t your thing, go check out these sexy chicken pictures instead.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!