Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
Last week, I learned that the term unicorn, when applied to gay women, means a lesbian who is attractive to both men and women AND who is willing to participate in their threesome fantasies. I also learned that the reason they’re called unicorns is BECAUSE THEY DON’T EXIST. This made me laugh hard, and ever since, I have had unicorns (the other kind) on the brain.
When it comes to the one-horned creatures of fantasy, I find myself getting a little starry eyed and silly. No, I don’t want to decorate with them or dress like them, but I definitely have a soft spot for the things. That said, this week’s Etsy search did quite a bit to curb my enthusiasm.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
So cute! By BakerlogyThis seems like one of those “show me on the dollie” situations that got out of hand.” Kanye West nude on a unicorn with pancakes.” Sorry/not sorry. If I have to see it, so do you.Love it! By Eugenie2It perplexes me that on the one hand, I love Katy Perry, but on the other, she pops into my head every time I spot something ridiculous like this.Unicorn nightlight isn’t angry. He’s disappointed.Nope. You can’t fool me. I know what that’s for.What talent! By OlgaLai$3,500 unicorn brooch. Seriously.Ridiculous as these are, they’re still better than the other unicorn footwearalternativesYet another spectacular creation by my faves at Bubbles and FrownThat rainbow, tutu, and unicorn horn don’t do anything to soften the fact that this grimy-looking thing appears to have cigarette butts for arms. That’s going to be a challenging trip to the bathroom.Truly magnificent dichroic glass pendant. By OrnateAccentsIs it just me, or does this thing look like it needs a mohel? It took me a few minutes, but I finally figured out what this reminded me of. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.
MOHEL!!!! I laughed so hard at that comment that I was snorting like a hippo and my 10 year old was looking concerned. One of my sons used to be obsessed with unicorns (he still loves them but not to the point of obsession) so I have seen more than my fair share of unicorn tat. Some of this stuff, however, surpasses anything I have encountered in its degree of ugliness. I absolutely love that pendant. I also think that headdress is fab. I have dressed as a unicorn for Halloween for the past few years and my unicorn headdress does not remotely match up to that one. I am definitely a “derpy unicorn” and not a glam one.
I want to know why the doll in the second picture appears to have been wounded and to have fought back. All that blood. . . . And I’m so glad the first thing you saw in that later image was cigarette butts; that was in my head before I even read your comment. All in all, this is mostly very disturbing . . .
My OBT 
August 15, 2019 at 12:56 pm
MOHEL!!!! I laughed so hard at that comment that I was snorting like a hippo and my 10 year old was looking concerned. One of my sons used to be obsessed with unicorns (he still loves them but not to the point of obsession) so I have seen more than my fair share of unicorn tat. Some of this stuff, however, surpasses anything I have encountered in its degree of ugliness. I absolutely love that pendant. I also think that headdress is fab. I have dressed as a unicorn for Halloween for the past few years and my unicorn headdress does not remotely match up to that one. I am definitely a “derpy unicorn” and not a glam one.
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August 15, 2019 at 9:52 pm
Glam unicorn involves deep pockets. I’m so glad you got the mohel joke! You just get me…
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August 15, 2019 at 7:14 pm
I want to know why the doll in the second picture appears to have been wounded and to have fought back. All that blood. . . . And I’m so glad the first thing you saw in that later image was cigarette butts; that was in my head before I even read your comment. All in all, this is mostly very disturbing . . .
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August 15, 2019 at 9:53 pm
Mission accomplished! LOL
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August 16, 2019 at 10:53 am
The cookie cutter is essentially Eeyore with a horn. Still cute, though.
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August 16, 2019 at 4:41 pm
Hahaha! I didn’t see it until you said it. Now, I can’t unsee!
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