Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
Heaven help me, it’s that time again. Out of necessity, I did buy a couple of bathing suits for our Mexico trip last month, but between our trips to Fire Island and kayaking, I really need a few more. There is nothing I hate more than bathing suit shopping. I’m dreading it. Oh, wait! I know! I’m going to postpone the inevitable by looking at some of the most awful swimsuits on Etsy!
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Well, that’s one way to make sure people know you’ve lost weight!Bae needs a good slap.I’ve heard of infinity dresses, but an infinity bathing suit? That’s genius! By ElizabethReubenVery pretty on her, but hear me out. There was a young woman at the resort in Mexico who had one of these suits. It looked great on her, but by day 3, I noticed at dinner she had one white shoulder and one tanned one. Nope.This customizable suit is “perfect for new brides.” Heaven help the groom!So adorable! By FursikoMany of the suits in my size look like this, and if there’s one thing fluffy ladies don’t need, it’s ruching.It’s cute on her, but I’m afraid I’d just look like this.I think this would be flattering on a wide range of figures! By KerlukeyI’m suddenly off piña coladas…This is a clear case of too much internet.
I am with you in that swimsuit shopping is amongst the absolute worst types of shopping. If it was not cultural appropriation, I would love to wear a burkini. My 11 year old would love those taco cat swim shorts but I would be arguing with him that they are too immature for him. I absolutely love that infinity swimsuit with its petrol-in-a-puddle colours. Gorgeous. Is there a trend of making swimsuits possessive and personalizing them with statements about your ownership of your partner, or their anatomy, or insisting on having their face printed on your swim wear?
I think that’s less of a trend than an Etsy-style gimmick. I hope. With you in the burkitini. I have begun to resort to swimming in rash guards and swim Capri pants. As Beloved said, “because turtlenecks would sag.”
Swim capri pants sound like something I need to investigate. I have been wearing swim shorts and a swim skirt with a tankini top and I feel a bit less exposed than in a traditional swimsuit but a bit more cover would be welcome.
In Mexico, they don’t want you to wear any sunscreen in the ocean (it’s bad for the coral(, so I found coverup options I loved.
This is my fave: ZKESS Women Color Block Zipper Swimsuits Surfing Bathing Suits 2PC Swimsuit Rash Guards Swimwear S – XXXL Plus Size https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01NAQ6UYW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_33GGYMS4REP3FSSM4W30
Thank you. And now I also feel justified in my perpetual failure to put sunscreen on. I blame being Scottish and it not being such a necessity but now I can also say I am conserving coral.
The Caribbean has really struggled because of sunscreen. First, it bleached and eventually started killing off the coral reefs. Then they told people they had to switch to biodegradable sunscreen. But that stuff fed a specific type of seaweed, which now blooms out of control during the high season, making the beaches all but unreachable. We’ve made a terrible mess of this poor planet.
We really, truly have. Sadly, I think the only way the planet will recover sufficiently is if humanity is either wiped out or are forced back into pre-Industrial Revolution ways. Each of us making changes does something but not enough to course correct in time. But thank you for educating me about sunscreen because I am absolutely making that change from now on.
My OBT 
May 13, 2021 at 7:12 am
There some really good-looking ones in today’s post. I could have done without the first one. Hal
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May 13, 2021 at 3:57 pm
Same, but you know the Etsomnia rule: if I suffer, you suffer!
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May 13, 2021 at 1:33 pm
I am with you in that swimsuit shopping is amongst the absolute worst types of shopping. If it was not cultural appropriation, I would love to wear a burkini. My 11 year old would love those taco cat swim shorts but I would be arguing with him that they are too immature for him. I absolutely love that infinity swimsuit with its petrol-in-a-puddle colours. Gorgeous. Is there a trend of making swimsuits possessive and personalizing them with statements about your ownership of your partner, or their anatomy, or insisting on having their face printed on your swim wear?
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 13, 2021 at 4:00 pm
I think that’s less of a trend than an Etsy-style gimmick. I hope. With you in the burkitini. I have begun to resort to swimming in rash guards and swim Capri pants. As Beloved said, “because turtlenecks would sag.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 13, 2021 at 6:05 pm
Swim capri pants sound like something I need to investigate. I have been wearing swim shorts and a swim skirt with a tankini top and I feel a bit less exposed than in a traditional swimsuit but a bit more cover would be welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 14, 2021 at 11:30 am
In Mexico, they don’t want you to wear any sunscreen in the ocean (it’s bad for the coral(, so I found coverup options I loved.
This is my fave: ZKESS Women Color Block Zipper Swimsuits Surfing Bathing Suits 2PC Swimsuit Rash Guards Swimwear S – XXXL Plus Size https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01NAQ6UYW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_33GGYMS4REP3FSSM4W30
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May 14, 2021 at 2:57 pm
Thank you. And now I also feel justified in my perpetual failure to put sunscreen on. I blame being Scottish and it not being such a necessity but now I can also say I am conserving coral.
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May 15, 2021 at 9:42 pm
The Caribbean has really struggled because of sunscreen. First, it bleached and eventually started killing off the coral reefs. Then they told people they had to switch to biodegradable sunscreen. But that stuff fed a specific type of seaweed, which now blooms out of control during the high season, making the beaches all but unreachable. We’ve made a terrible mess of this poor planet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 16, 2021 at 7:51 am
We really, truly have. Sadly, I think the only way the planet will recover sufficiently is if humanity is either wiped out or are forced back into pre-Industrial Revolution ways. Each of us making changes does something but not enough to course correct in time. But thank you for educating me about sunscreen because I am absolutely making that change from now on.
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May 13, 2021 at 6:41 pm
and this is why I haven’t had one in years. Too much me and too little them.
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May 14, 2021 at 11:30 am
Beautifully said!
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May 14, 2021 at 12:21 am
Who needs to swim? Or sun? I say a long gauzy dress is the way to go.
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May 14, 2021 at 11:31 am
I have a whole wardrobe of kaftans, too, but I love being in the water.
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