Vintage Go-Go’s photo by BonanzaRecords
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
Compiling my list of Etsy holiday gifts for Monday’s gift guide, I had a really great time wading through all the vintage stuff. The eighties items in particular gave me the warm-and-fuzzies, even the bad stuff!
The eighties were notorious for terrible design; tortured hair, ugly furniture, Patrick Nagel. On the other hand, a lot of the music was great, the movies were tremendous, there were some amazing artists who made a difference, music videos ruled the world, and some of the television shows were really memorable (in a great way).
I know Etsomnia is known for its snark, but I have to admit that my search for items to include mostly made me go “awwww” and “ooooh” rather than “ewwww.” Anyone who has a problem with that can eat my shorts!
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts. Follow me on Bloglovin!
I want to make jokes, but the truth is I would have been willing to commit murder for these in 1985. My friends will confirm this. And yes, they loved me anyway. By EvileEyeVintage
This is Gianni Versace’s brain. This skirt is Gianni Versace’s brain on drugs. Any questions? By Cavallienastri
This wall decal should come with a hair crimper, a Duran Duran record, and a tube of this stuff. By BeepArt
I broke the bank to buy a couple of really good pieces in the ’80s, and I’ll never forget them. This reminds me of one of my faves. By OffBroadwayVintage
This Swatch Twin phone was actually made for gossiping. Both parts of the phone served as a handset, so two people could talk on it at the same time. Because that makes total sense. By FranzsFavorites
These days, this eyesore would be in the mother-of-the-bride section (and we brides’ mothers are not amused, BTW). But in the ’80s, this was a prom dress. A HOT prom dress. By ChiffonLounge
This is a face brooch. You would pin it to the top of your buttoned up button-down blouse, just below your actual face. Nobody knows why. By DressLikeAMovieStar
As terrible as this jacket is – and it is – the real reason I’m including it is because it’s sold by the extraordinarily self aware SansAllure, which made me laugh. Also, the tiger is bitchin’
Racist AND derpy? Sure it is, but whoever wore this horror was probably very proud of herself. By Braxae
Fun ’80s fact: many of us wore jewelry this hideous and NO ONE STABBED US. Kind of miraculous, really. By TheFoxesKeeps
Not even partial sort-of nudity can distract from the overall awfulness of these pleated, cropped, high-waisted jeans. By RoseCliffVintage
I had to go looking for this tray because the first Holly Hobbie gewgaw I found SOLD. Gag me.
By RetroToysAndMore
Not clown clothing, though I would still have pointed and laughed. By SlimeWarpVintage, who sell ALL the terrible ’80s clothes
Awesome magazine rack. The perfect place to store your Tiger Beat magazines! By TheModernHistoric
Not the craziest thing we put on our earlobes. By LoveFactoryNYC
Now this is MY ’80s! Everyone who was anyone had their own customized (read: mutilated) biker jacket. I still have (and wear) mine (to the chagrin of my grown daughters, who would very much like to get their paws on it). By ImprovGoods
Once, in the ’80s, I stayed in a guestroom that looked just like this thing. I still bear the emotional scars. By HeartKeyologie
The ’80s answer to a power suit, this is the most quintessential ’80s garment ever made. I can’t help it. I think it’s rad. By RockinRobinsEtsy
It might be more subtle to stick one of the actual New Kids in your hair. Certainly he would weigh less
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My OBT 
November 19, 2015 at 8:46 am
This is for you:
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November 19, 2015 at 10:16 am
I am currently pogoing in my office. Thanks, Ross!
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November 19, 2015 at 9:51 am
Long live the 80s! I often find myself wandering back there…to a time of questionable fashion and upbeat music. I still love it there, and I’m not ashamed to admit it! 🙂
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November 19, 2015 at 10:19 am
Me, too! Today, we let our freak flags fly!
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November 19, 2015 at 10:00 am
Ah, the 80s! Madonna! Cindy Lauper! Michael Jackson! And lots, LOTS more. It was a crazy decade! I love all your reminders of it!
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November 19, 2015 at 10:20 am
I’m glad! This one really made me happy.
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November 19, 2015 at 2:44 pm
The 80’s are a reminder to me of that young and beautiful time in your life before children and responsibilities. There was so much freedom and the sky was the limit as far as possibilities were concerned. I had the big hair, dressed very provocatively, and used a hideous amount of make-up. Whenever I look back, all I can remember is how much fun we all had dancing at the clubs and I still love the upbeat music. Thanks for the trip down 80’s lane.
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November 19, 2015 at 4:23 pm
My memories are the same! I still go dancing sometimes, but it’s nowhere near as fun as bouncing around in Danceteria was.
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November 19, 2015 at 7:23 pm
I was already a full-fledged adult in the eighties but: 1. I would totally wear those shoes now if I could still balance in heels and 2.
Doesn’t that magazine rack look like the Eames coat rack?
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November 19, 2015 at 8:55 pm
I am so in love with those shoes and that magazine rack, I dreamed about them.
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November 19, 2015 at 11:19 pm
. . . but I like pleated, cropped, high-waisted jeans . . .
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November 19, 2015 at 11:25 pm
I dare you. No. I double-dog dare you to post your picture in pleated, cropped, high-waisted jeans.
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